Posted 11:26 AM by Alfred

So I wake up, kiss my wife good morning, stumble to the bathroom, pee (with amazing accuracy accounting for time of day and mind state), and I start thinking, "Hey, I'm pretty awake, I'm doing good, I'm kicking ass, this day is mine." Then it happens. I look in the mirror to survey the damage, and there he is.

That little Columbian guy, and his mule. I couldn't see the mule, or donkey, or ass, or burro, or whatever the fuck that thing is, but I knew it was there, laughing at me, it's horsey teeth gnashing back and forth, slobbering, eyes cross-eyed and staring at some unknown, unseeable, guiding force.

The little Columbian guy was standing behind me, in the shower, holding a plaid thermos, a sickening grin spread across his whiskered face. "Morning java, senor, recuerdas, amigo."

yes... master... I.... will.... obey....

Next thing I knew, I was eating cheerios, sucking down sume OJ, and yes, swigging the Thai Mocha Kings Coffe that your mama warned you about. And it was delicious, and I'm not ashamed, and I'm still a good person, and I always clean behind my ears, and... and...

Well denial is more than a river in Egypt, but the early bird does catch the worm, and well, you know what they say about two in the hand, so, I decided fuk it.

Just so you know:

The new DJ Shadow album is the best record of the year so far. Each listen I go a little deeper into my consciousness and find a nugget of wisdom. Then I take it out into the yard, bury it, and maybe in six months, I'll have a garden of knowledge. GYEAH.

Y Tu' Mama Tambien is the best movie of the year so far. If you haven't seen it, get off your ass. Maybe it came out last year but I saw it this year so deal with it. If you need some form of American validation, ie cold hard cash box office factor, the director of this flick has been tabbed to helm the 3rd Harry Potter movie, which is basically like getting asked to milk the golden goose and keep some coins for yourself there, buddy. So stuff that in your abacus mr. beancounter. Another amazing movie from south of the border is Amores Perros, which you must rent cuz it rules. There is a quiet revolution in Mexico, and luckily it doesn't involve guns or knives but is based on film cameras and gaffers and grips and best boys and all those other things you see when you sit all the way through the film credits at the end of the movie, which I always do.

The weather here in the islands has been so fukn hot and muggy and sticky and wet it feels like fukn Alabama. I'm waiting for Skeeter and Marilou to come callin with a batch of rabbit stew or some shit. Supposed to clear up today, but we'll see. My wooden leg can usually tell how that's gonna go, and it's telling me humidity factor 12.

Well, seems like a skunk tail cut stuck in the thresher, so ol mr. Pennyworth has to put on his full body galvanized rubber suit and go swimming in some radioactive waste and fish that bastard out.

till next time...

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