Thursday, March 22, 2007

call me crazy, but for some reason this scares the living shit out of me:

Virtual Beach in Japan

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr. Spooky. How far are we from taking a virtual walk to the virtual liquor store down the street to get your virtual bottle of Rum to make you forget about your virtual life? Someone build a time machine and get me back to 1982, stat.

I guess I’m immensely spoiled, living in Hawaii, but still, this is just weird. And especially that, if one of the pictures is real, it looks like it’s just a few miles from the actual ocean! “um, hmm, we need to build a beach, now fuck the real ocean, that’s just not gonna work, how ‘bout we make a building and put a fake beach in it and some fake palm trees and it will be perfect & synthetic without any of that mother nature crap to bungle up the works. Brilliant!”

The grecian urn society called and said pen them an ode, so here I am, metaphorical writing utensil in hand(s), ready to spring the brilliance on you. Right after this commercial break for, uh, the new pine sol, this time getting even MORE rid of that shit smell that inexorably perpetrates your bathrooms cool veneer of comfort and thanksgiving. So, speaking of Thanksgiving I saw the latest movie from the spinal tap, dog show, mighty wind crew, you know the one, the for your consideration Hollywood pontification, and, eh, not impressed. Had its moments, but really not up to the par. And speaking of golf, eh, golf is a beach, so we’ll leave that alone, now won’t we? Yes we will (won’t).

Sooo, the amazing thing about spider-man is? That he is amazing. No, just joking, it’s that he climbs walls. No, no, that he, um, can catch pumpkin bombs. Wow, sorry in advance (arrears) seriously, for you having to read this.

ok, I was gonna give up the ghost right there, like toast, milky, but I won’t, I can’t, well, I can, but I refuse, because it’s been SO long since I’ve brought any semblance of good shit to these reservoirs, and you, if you do indeed exist, which I’m beginning to doubt, SO deserve it, I mean really, thanks so much for being here. We’re sponsored today by Chiquita Banana’s #3 competitor, Grunkstein Kumquats, and they really appreciate not just your presence but your presents as well. They got them in the mail, via your united states post office, and they were so satisfied and snickered out that they specifically wrote me like an 85 page letter outlining just how and in what exact manner I should forward you their kindest regards. The unfortunate happenstance of what happened, though, is that I lost the letter, so all I’ll really say further about it is thank you gracias and assalama lakum, salakum salam, that means I love you. (it doesn’t, but saying it does adds a sort of melody to the end of the paragraph, critical in literary efforts like this one, being that this sentence alone will someday net me a check for 37,000 dollars, payable to the keith el otro foundation, which may help you and yours down the line if you are the victim(s) of copperhead snakes in the lower Missouri valley region any time within the next 27 years.) Look it up, keep this number, er, URL, and we’ll make some connections, do some business, knock on some doors, you know the drill.