dr. doooom's answering machine

Wussup. I wrote about 2.5 more pages of master thesis shit tonite. I know you care. I would say “not” but that would just show you how 1989 I am and I can’t go out like that. I went on this high school Europe trip with the antithetical inspiration for rion dark and there was this one guy on the trip, well, actually two guys, but one was much worse about it, that would constantly not only say “not” but also say “int,” as in he’d go, “yeah, you totally did....int.” or he’d go “not, int, not, int, not, etc.,” and then the other guy would laugh and me and my homey would look at these people and pine away for the calm cool and collected days of afro man and skater friend, people who at least could hold it together enough to hassle people by the coke machine with a modicum of class & decorum. Other notes on that trip, and yes, it was 1989, we even had shirts that said “Europe ‘89” in really pathetic block slash slanted lettering, but how could I possibly complain, because it was like the summer of awakening in my late bloomer soul, and shit, no, I didn’t bloom in all the ways I would have liked, but I had quite a few beers and barfed out of my first 3rd floor balcony in Switzerland, not that that’s something to be proud of, and the double the age guy looks back on it with disdain, thinking that he could drink that kid under the table, but the truth is I could drink my age 25 self under the table and also likely my age 28 and even 29 self under the cement overhang at the corner of 5th and vine, and don’t look that up it’s a totally fictitious establishment, and this is all a load of hopeless bullshit anyway, so, don’t chalk me up to a hero sandwich, cuz, seriously, there’re few things that make me mad (cough, bullshit) and one of them is trying to be cornered as a hero figure or someone who cares about their ego, this being prolly one of my biggest weaknesses my firm conviction that complete lack of ego is the path to ultimate Schwartz.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Posted 2:51 PM by Alfred

Well hello there. Yup, I’m still in the crib, if that’s what you’d call it. As usual not much to say and wondering why the hell I’m saying it, but, hey, sometimes you gotta just, um, type shit and then put it on a website. Why not? Add in your bud dry cliché and head for the door if that’s what does it for you. Bah. Seriously. What’s the fucking, eh, what’s the fukcing point of saying what’s the fucking point? Exactly. Which all makes me think I should really read that green lantern comic (the new series, #1) that has been sitting around for a while, despite the fact that it seems like it kinda sucks. One of those looks good on the outside, then stinks of pigshit on the inside. Metaphorically of course.

Eh. Ok, I read it. It wasn’t horrible. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that hal Jordan is back though, and a hero again, seems, just, wrong. Hmmm. I’d hate to bore you with the details, but I know there’s an old supervillain post that explained this phenomenon in some detail, if you’re interested. Let me find it. A ha. Here it is. That wasn’t so hard. That should tell you or lead you to all the information you would need. In a nutshell, they brought back the original (er, original silver age) green lantern, who had mass murdered the rest of the green lanterns in a fit of rage after his home town had been destroyed along with everybody in it. Then he became this super evil something or other and then he was like a ghost or something. Like I said, clickie the clickie’s for a better explanation. And that’s the last I’ll say about it.

And, hmmm, what else did I have on the schedule? Oh yah, what would you pick to go to, watch the Yankees play the tampa bay (ugh) devil rays at yankee stadium or the mets play the nationals (sigh) at shea. I mean, neither sounds like the most excitement laden concept in the universe, but I’m thinking there’s the “yankee stadium” factor, you can look at all those plaques or whatever of babe ruth and that guy that had lou gehrig’s disease, what’s his name? (ah, yes, a very fresh joke) and, I dunno, fuck that. Can you just go to yankee stadium and look at that crap without having to watch them beat ass on a bunch of sad sack Floridians? The sox are in town that week as well but the tix are already sold out for some wacky reason. Seems people would rather watch the red sox play the Yankees then the fearsome rays of the bay. Wacky! People are nuts, mos def.

Ok well that’s been enough senseless crap that you couldn’t give a fuck about anyway. May your karma meter be in the black.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Posted 7:26 PM by Alfred

And then the ball hit the ceiling and fuck all this shit. I hope phoenix wins tonite, cuz if they don’t, well, then, shit is over, and I dunno, the Miami/Detroit dillio doesn’t have quite the same entertainment value for me, specially with shaq barely hangin on with his bum thigh or whatever.

Ah, the importance of this verbage. And then, grandma moses said, tell me ‘bout the rabbits, george. And then george squeezed the rabbits to death in between his vice grip of steel iron sheik claws.

I really got nothing folks. Absolutely nada. The gizzards are drained. Too many lonely nights frantically pounding at the chimes thinking of the next or prior chapter in a mad diorama that may or may not transpire to be literature.

btw the latest batman trailer looks bad to the bone.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Posted 6:25 PM by Alfred

Howdy yall. Hope all is well. Or at least as good as can be expected. Or at least that your entire colon hasn’t been ripped out of your posterior by an underwater vacuum cleaner and plastered all over the wall for a variety of heathens to poke and prod and analyze and put up to the spectrometer and shit like that. And if it has, condolences. But, hey, you make your bed, eh? Yup. In any event, I’m still here, out on the island. Keeping up with the joneses, if only barely, actually, the joneses done moved up and out and have this fantastic ski cottage in sri lanka, which would be odd in and of itself if the joneses hadn’t made their 8th million in the field of high powered snow machines that can basically create the matterhorn anywhere anytime and for anybody who’s got enough cash and the wherewithal to supply it to the appropriate party. Anyway, you didn’t hear it from me, but I think it’s a bunch of hokum and that the whole fucking lot should be locked up. The last time anybody listened to me, though, deep throat was still hiding in a parking lot rather than having his kids dial up sally jesse Raphael for a photo-op. and by the way, what happened to sally? She looks like she ate a whole horse and then went back to chomp on the cow it rode in on. Sheeesh.