Posted 6:43 PM by Alfred

Monday. Around 10 AM. Bumpin' Outkast Aquemini.

Saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding this weekend. Funny as hell. Watch it. Sounds like a chick flick, but really it's not, I laughed my frikken ass off, maybe harder than I laughed at Austin Powers. Mrs. P and I got a little extra kick out of it as we could relate to the whole cross-culture marriage thing, which is the big joke in the movie.

Send me a frikken e-mail for chrissake. Just click over on where it says tell me a story on the left. Nobody e-mail's me. I'm sitting here at the skunkworks crying right now cuz no one cares. Even if you think I suck so hard that I should be killed, let me know, tell me just how horrible I really am. Like Mark Anthony, I need to know.

Remember those little comic books they would give you at Bob's Big Boy? Those were cool. Even though Bob was such a big fat ass, he was like, so mr. popular, and that one girl was so in love with him, and he was like, whatever baby, go get me a hamburger will ya?

Did you know that the only people that are legally allowed to test and research marijuana in the US are the pharmaceutical companies?? The university system is not allowed to touch it. Talk about letting the foxes in the chickenhouse. (Jack Herer's analogy, not mine) Jack Herer is the author of the highly informative and unbelievably mind-boggling The Emperor Wears No Clothes. Basically, the pharmaceutical companies lobbied the hell out of the federal government to allow ONLY THEM to do cannabis research, so they could find "safe" alternatives, meaning less effective, more expensive, and with varying side-effects.

I read a story in the paper a couple weeks ago which I'll be following with much interest. The city of San Francisco is so fed up with the Feds raiding the local legal medical marijuana disbursement centers and shutting them down, that they are going to put a vote on the ballot to grow and distribute medical marijuana on city property, at city-owned and operated facilities. Let's see if the FBI will kick in the doors of city property. This should be a federalism standoff at its best. I mean what the FUCK did our founding fathers write the goddamm constitution for if the federal government is going to override every law that local and state governements put up to ballot, vote on, and pass through legal channels? Bush and Cheney are so busy making sure the big money pharmaceutical companies are getting their dirty dollar's worth out of buying their fukn allegiance. All so fat cats can line their pockets while cancer and AIDS patients scrape up the last of their coin for fake pot pills that don't work half as well as the real thing which they can't get because ATF might kick in their door and knock them out of their wheel chairs.

All for the mighty dollar. This country I tell you….

11 AM - Power Outage!

The following is a transcript from the notes I was able to take:

We have had a massive power outage. The backup systems held up the computers, but we were forced to shut down quickly. Without electricity, we have reverted to our neanderthal state. Graham, our service technician, has taken the boss hostage in the bathroom, threatening physical and psychological warfare. I am barricaded in my office by a pack of wild dogs. Their teeth are gnarling and foaming and they have death in their eyes. I am afraid but trying to hold on to my sanity. Must be strong, I want to see my wife again…

Worst of all, we may soon lose caller ID capability.

Lights come on. Shamed, I wipe the blood from my lips and hand the mail clerk back the stump that is left of his right arm. Guess I panicked a little. But the lunch wagon didn't come! It didn't come!!

So basically the power outage unnerved us, so the whole office took off to go eat and run errands. Usually I'm left behind to watch the store on these little sojourns, but the boss feels like a crowd today, so whatevers. First stop was to drop off a shipment of widgets to the Honouliuli Waste Water Treatment plant. The smell there was nearly unbearable. My coworker informed me this is because they are severely backlogged on getting rid of the waste that they cook it. So we were smelling cooked shit. It didn't smell good. It was one of those smells that is worse with your nose plugged, you can still taste it breathing through your mouth. Not good times.

Then we ate at Chili's. Phillie cheese steak sandwich. I am not someone that lets cooked shit smell ruin my appetite, goddammit. Not me.

Various more errands and we were back at the office. The excuse of the power outage firmly entrenched in our subconscious and posterior lobe, we resigned ourselves to the fact that today was a whatevahs kind of no work day. But I'm working anyway (after I write this) cuz I got shit to do. But not cooked shit, thank goodness.

Speaking of cooked shit, I'm listening to the new Def Leppard album. The resident Butt-Rocker in the office bought it and is letting me borrow it. Let me tell you, gone are the glory days of High N Dry and Pyromania. I mean how hardcore was Die Hard the Hunter and Rock of Ages??? (OK not that hardcore, but it ruled nonetheless) This new album is canned ballads and rehashed love songs by geezers dressed as Nsync but with receding hairlines. But I get a kick out of it cuz I'm a big dork and because Pyromania was the second album I ever bought, and I'm a sentimental fool.

Well, I have rambled long enough, so has they say in the Russian Steppes, peace out homeslice.

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