Thursday, August 08, 2002

Well I have in my hot little hands the new Sports Illustrated college football preview. They're picking Oklahoma #1. Cal is #85.

All they have to say about Cal is, "Coach Jeff Tedford, formerly the offensive coordinator for rival Oregon, has a massive rebuilding job."

Yeah, no shit. Ah, another year of Cal football, in which I will have a false sense of hope for as long as I am able to totally deny reality. (Which can be a pretty long time.) That and they're on probation this year, which means no bowl game even if they go 11-0, which is about as likely as a guy with an English accent and a flourescent suit coming out of my refrigerator and singing "Always look on the bright side of life."

Meaning there's a slight possibility.

Just please beat Stanford. You can be everyone's bitch the whole season, but find those little round things in your pants, gather them up, and win one for Oski. Look at him he's calling you out. "Stop sucking ass!" he's saying. I can read his lips.

Speaking of football, I just noticed last week that the Raiders picked up Rod Woodson, one of the best of all time, during the offseason. Hell yeah. That almost makes up for the fact that I somehow have to learn how to root for Bill Romanowski.

Eric Neel has written a very very good Chick Hearn column. Damn if I didn't get a little teary-eyed. Props to Ken Layne for giving it some pub yesterday.

I am very picky about my game shows. Love Jeopardy. Hate Wheel of Fortune. I was, however, a captive audience at the gym yesterday on the elliptical motion machine or whatever the hell you call that thing (it's basically a stairmaster) - anyway, I got stuck staring at the dreaded Wheel, and after noticing that Vanna White looks like she's gotten some serious plastic surgery in the last few years, I noticed something that pissed me off. She doesn't even have to turn the letters anymore!! Last I saw, she had to walk over, actually turn around the little block with the letter on the back, and walk back to her post. Now she just walks over and taps the block and it automatically shows the letter.

How long has this been going on? Am I totally off base being outraged by this? They pay this lady who knows how much cash to turn letters around, and she doesn't even do THAT anymore!!! What the hell do they need her for?!? I mean, she just taps the letters, she ain't doing shit! At least the Price is Right girls don't pretend like they're doing something, they just stand there and position their arms like, "look at this fine lawnmower, jackass."

Maybe I'm just crazy.

All right, that's all for today. Don't forget the Ovaltine.