Posted 6:09 PM by Alfred

a few notes from the sports desk - I was kind of in tirade mode yesterday, so i didn't really get to linger on the whole raiders and cal bears winning in the same weekend thing. it's kind of like finding money or someone just handing you an ice cream cone out of the blue. it is a very nice feeling. anyway, the cal bears and their new coach jeff tedford must face their first true test of the year in east lansing, michigan this weekend against #15 michigan state university. msu is the alma mater of my grandfather (rip) as well as magic johnson, for whatever that's worth, and they're always tough and are supposed to be a fukn load this year. first road game, first big time opponent. bears better practice hard this week. i'm feeling confident though.

my buddy jen up in the oregon boondocks dropped me a line today, and while she let me know she is enjoying my little blog, which i so wholeheartedly appreciate, she's also talking a little yang about the osu beavers taking out the bears this year. hmmm. i don't think so. i just can't see that. the golden bear is loose and a beaver ain't nothing but another forest treat to chomp on and spit out. word. basically, it comes down to simple physics and kinetics. the cal bear stompage must continue and cannot be abated, and seriously, that's on long beach. it's like unstoppable force meets gumby. word and a half.

as for the mighty raiders, i can't wait until the first bronco game, which i think is a monday nighter. bartley you punk, the broncos are going down. i'm glad they beat the rams cuz fuk the rams, and it'll just boost griese's confidence so he'll be blinded by the light of truth and severe pain as romanowski shows his true silver and black blood and pummels his head in a violent fashion. as for pittsburgh this weekend, you're going down. keep that fear in your eyes kordell, keep eye-balling those receivers for a half-hour, and the woodson twins will be picking you like a cherry on sunday. double word.

gotta feel bad for that dumbass on the cincinnati bengals that chucked his helmet down the field in a celebratory steroid rage, losing the game to KC in the process, i ain't gonna say a word. that guy is hating life this week. but really, just keep the helmet on until you know the play's over next time, kay buddy? i mean it was a weak call by ther refs, but cmon don't be stupid.

thought it was pretty damn cool to see andre and sampras in the us open finals. and eff all the sports writers that were saying earlier this year pete should hang up his racket. he's getting the last laugh now. word to the third, straight up and no panicking. do your thing pete you hairy mofo. as for andre, keep it real my vegas homie. damn andre's and steffi's kid is gonna be under a wee bit of pressure, no? shit junior, you can't even serve 90 miles an hour yet? damn your almost 6 years old you little punk!!

and to the USA basketball team, which came in 6th place in indianapolis last week. uh, good job guys. way to represent. yeah fukn vlade and the crew are some tough comp. better luck next time suckas. and what's with george karl holding paul pierce on the bench at the end of the last game? was he fukn smokin ecstasy juice? watch next year, suddenly kobe, shaq, kg, vince, anyone with half a fukn game will want to play. or maybe they won't. i mean, really, why risk injury and be tired all season for a pat on the back and a say-hey from dubya? fuk it, i wouldn't, unless there was a phat check in it for me. do re mi, bitch.

that's about it for now, party people. don't forget to wash behind your ears before eating your asparagus. quadruple word score, 8th to the parallelogram, finite silence on a straight up bonumbo tip, via the triple schism ice cream float. ya know?

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