Friday, September 13, 2002

Kool Keith here, with a special feature for ultrablognetic. We caught up with Jason Voorhees this morning for an exclusive interview at his Huntington Beach Mansion.

First off, I want to say, you have a beautiful home, especially your garden. Breathtaking.

Thank you. I do spend a lot of time out there, trimming, pruning, fertilizing, hacking, you name it. It's really a passion for me.

Fascinating. Now, gotta ask you, what was the deal with Jason X?

Hmmmm. Well, I think the director was trying to get the kids into it, ya know, with the whole Aliens thing, and don't get me wrong, I love those movies, especially that little guy that popped out of that guy's chest? Very nice work. But, well, I gotta be honest Keith. I took the money on that one. Basically Jason X equaled Ferrari for the Jase man.

So, but I mean, was it hard work, putting in all that time on a movie set at your age, killing, maiming, and the make up sessions?

Oh I wasn't even in it, are you kidding? Just send me the check, baby. I've used stand-ins since Friday the 13th part 6.

Wow! Can I print that, aren't you afraid what the public would think?

Nah. I mean, I've got everything I need. A nice place to hang my hat, a fully functioning dungeon, lots of fans. They know who I am and what I'm about. The only thing really missing in my life, Keith, is a lady to call my own.

With your fashion sense and charm, I'm sure she's right around the corner, Jason. I gotta say, love the fuzzy fedora. But out of curiosity, what happened to your hockey mask?

Oh, I still wear it for going out on the town, I mean without it I'm just some old dude with a seriously mangled face and a shitload of cash, dime a dozen in LA. As for the fedora, I saw Nate Dogg rocking it on MTV, and I was like, I'm all over that.

Word. So, ever get back to Camp Crystal Lake?

Ya know? Not nearly enough. Geez, I think the last time I made it back was in 97 to tell you the truth. There was a reunion of the cast from the 2nd movie, which was really my big break. Not everybody knows, but that was my Mother, may her soul burn in hell, in the first movie.

How was the reunion?

It was pretty fun, actually. Everyone was middle aged or older now, so I didn't really have any urge to kill any of them. A few did bring their teenage children for the vacation though, and that, uh, didn't work out very well.

Why? What happened?

Well I offered to take all the kids on a hike through the hills, kind of a tour, and came back alone. Covered in their blood. The taste of their screams still ringing in my ears, their nubile young bodies, thrashing and heaving, running and clawing, and... where was I?

Oh, um OK. It was all good though, everybody was real understanding. I mean, they know that place doesn't really bring out the best in me. I was bummed, though, cuz one of the girls was the daughter of a good friend of mine. oh well, it's a crazy business.

You can say that again. So what do you think of today's horror movies?

They mostly suck Keith. I mean, what the fuck? Nobody can come up with a good character anymore. Really the last good idea for a horror character was Chuckie from Child's Play. And even that, kinda weak. I mean the big three, me, Freddie, and Mike Myers, we're all basically out of the game now.

So what's in the future for Jason Voorhees?

I don't know, tending my garden, I want to try to catch up on my reading. I'm thinking about redoing the kitchen. Oh, and of course, I'm gonna keep killing people.

Of course.

The thing about it is, I like to switch up my methods, and shit I've basically run out of murder techiniques! I mean, I eviscerated a guy with his pool vacuum the other day, and realized that was the first original work I'd done in a couple years. It kind of depressed me, but also inspired me to raise my game too, so we'll see.

Please tell me you'll keep us posted. Well were just about out of time. Anything else you want to tell the world?

Nah, that's about it. Oh, stay in school, kids. And don't go hang out at Neverland with Michael Jackson. Now THAT guy's frikken weird.

Hey, c'mon. That's cold.

Yeah, I know, but dang he gives me the creeps. I'm a firm believer in living with the body and face that life has given you. I mean if anyone is a candidate for plastic surgery, but you don't see me in there popping botox and getting tummy tucks. Ah, ferget it, little pet peeve of mine Keith.

Oh well, to each is own. I gotta say, great interview Jason. Thanks for your time.

No problem.