Posted 5:33 PM by Alfred

well, i knew the cal bears had some angst and issues to take out on somebody but holy shit! i didn't get to see the carnage that was the 70-22 blowout of baylor by the triumphant and newly testicle-posessing cal bears, but this column gives a pretty good play by play of all the beautifully gory details.

i didn't realize that the golden bear representation in this instance would involve desecration of forbidden orifices and ritualistic pride-stripping in its most barbaric sense. i mean, i was moved to music. i sang a song that i'd never heard, never known, but that came as clear and unflinching as a hyena's cackle, it beamed forth from my mouth like the rain from the clouds, a thunderclap of harmony forged in the kilns of oski the eternally golden bear.

goddamm it feels good to bask in the glory of a cal victory. next up: new mexico state, this saturday, and i should be doing a little preview action tomorrow if i can catch that magic inspiration that is so powerful, yet so fleeting. like a golden bear victory, you have to catch it, ride it, and harness it for uses that you may have never imagined, because the certainty of it happening again is neither confirmed nor likely, at least in the astrological sense. but fuk madame cleo, i'm calling it out, golden bear style, it's on bitch, cal is fukin ridin this wave straight to the top, fuk the ncaa and their probation shit, they can lick my left nut, golden bear time beyotch.

go forth young bears and bring me back the skull of a buckskinned rabbit, and we shall prepare a stew for the coming battle, and there shall be dancing and frollicking and gnashing and grinding of bones for the coming feast. though shalt bathe in goats blood brought from the farm of a new mexico cat scratcher, amidst the winds of change birthed from an original gangsters gatling gun.

or something like that. go bears.

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