Posted 6:56 PM by Alfred

I rang the bell, and I rang the bell hard and loud. I rang the bell in such an aggressive manner that my right ear is buzzing a little. Ah well, it made it through all those raves sitting next to the speaker with a vapo-rub surgical mask, I think it'll deal.

Have you ever seen that Seinfeld episode where George is out of a job, and his father invests in a computer sales business? The two salesmen for Mr. Costanza are George and Lloyd Braun, the recently released from the loony bin childhood playmate that George never measured up against according to his parents. So anyway, there's a bell in the Costanza garage, that whenever someone makes a sale, they ring it. Lloyd Braun keeps selling computer after computer, ringing the bell and irritating the living hell out of poor George. (it's later revealed that the nutjob was talking on the phone to the computer weather girl or something, so, uh huh, let's move one shall we…)

Anyway, my boss being an even bigger dork than me, bought a bell and hung it in the office, and when someone makes a sale they ring the bell. Now I didn't technically make a sale, but some info I just received has let me know I'm gonna make about twice as I thought on this big skunk deal I've been wrangling. You see, I need Malaysian Tiger Skunks, very rare, usually up to $ 5,000 a pop, but they're having a fire-sale, everything must go, those skunks are getting ragged, so I'm getting them at like 75% off, which means Benjamin city (well, Benjamin township? Uh, Benjamin Swim Club?) Well, so I rang the FARK out of that bell. No one's here so I could really go to town, and I think I damaged my clavicle or something like that.

Stoked! And even better, Def Leppard was playing, High & Dry, no less, their best work. Don't listen to those Pyromania people, that was a good album, but it was no High & Dry. I grew up with High & Dry, I lived with High & Dry, I went to fukn war in the jungle with just a fukn Pez Dispenser with High & Dry, and you, sir, are no High & Dry.

Understood? Well, then, I guess we can move on from this. Hopefully we all learned a little something.

Good day.

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