Thursday, November 07, 2002

Life is all about perspective. That's one thing I've learned in my some odd years on this mudball. Sit on a beach and watch the sun rise, and all is well in the universe. Sit on the same beach at midnight with a 40 of Schlitz alone with your thoughts and it's a whole nuther ballgame. As we wander through this thing called life, there are moments when everything seems so important, so critical. As if every move, every decision, will affect everything to come. The sad but happy thing is, that there's truth in that. Every move does affect the future. The flipside is that this knowledge can cause a paralysis of sorts. Almost like the understanding of the potential consequences puts the fear into you and keeps you rooted, immovable, static. There are times when life calls for big decisions, and serious thought, and planning and calculation. These are the times when you really have to say screw it all and do something, or not do it, and live with the decision, and fix the pieces later if you fucked up.

See that's another thing you gotta love about life, there ain't no do-over, but there's plenty of room to clean up after yourself. Let's face it, if every mistake resulted in nuclear annihilation, we wouldn't have made it out of the garden. We'd be butt-naked in the center of the blast zone chomping on a satanic apple with a snake named Fredo.

Then there are those times in life when you just don't give a damn. You just want to party, live it up, drink in experiences, relish the moment. And those are so important too, because if you're spending all your time worrying about what's going to happen, where's the enjoyment to make it all worth it? If all you're concerned with is down the road, what about the intersection your in? What's on the radio? Is the breeze coming through and hitting your face? Is the sun in your eyes? Do you have a loved one on your mind and is the thought of her face, her eyes, her soul, making you smile? Do you have something to make that moment where you decide to turn left or right a moment into and of itself? Does it really matter where you go as long as you live it, love it, appreciate it?

Sometimes it seems like I have so much to do, and not enough time to do it. Then I think what is it? What is it that I have to do, what am I so goddamm concerned about? A Boeing 747 could land on me at any minute. Do I want to be in that moment thinking about my job, my future, my bank account balance, or I do want to be feeling the breeze and pondering sweet nothings?

It seems a simple answer to me. On the other hand, you can't go around in La-La land 24-7. The world would crash to a grinding halt what with all the bunny rabbits blocking traffic. I'm not saying that we should all roll around in glue and glitter and close our eyes to the ills of our own lives and the world. That's just stupid. There's shit to do, and we gotta do it. But that doesn't mean it has to suck. That doesn't mean we have to grow bitter as we grow old.

Dreams are vital. Dreams are important. Without dreams, nothing changes, no one would give a damn about anything. Some of the greatest things that have ever happened to me happened because I closed my eyes and jumped in and took a chance on a vision of my life. Sometimes I came up aces, and some of those aces are still with me. Some of those risks kicked my ass all over town, and I can still find the bruises, but I don't look for them. I like the aces more. Dreams should never be a replacement for taking the moment you're in, however, and milking it for all it's worth. Even if you're sitting on your ass looking at a computer screen writing a bunch of random thoughts, enjoy it, feel it, bask in it, consider its consequences but don't get bogged down by them. Soon you'll be on to the next thing, which may suck, it may rule, but it will be, and so will you, and there's always that.