Posted 11:52 AM by Alfred

Seriously, no really, meaningfully and sincerely, I’ve got MASS shayit to do. But my love for my peeps and my dedication to the game dictates that I divert my attention to my blog for 3 parsecs (yeah guy Montag?) and do some knowledge droppin like my homeys chico and coolwadda. And even though I might not be quite as Godzilla like as my west coast playas, I still feel like I have something of substance (shah-heebie) to contribute to the web.

And today’s contribution is a serious diddy that I have chosen to entitle “blah blah blah blah fuckin blah blah blizah.” See, I’m not smart, creative, or clever. I suck ass. I can’t write my way out of a phone booth. I can’t even put together a proper metaphor without mangling it into some bizarre superman/bat-mite reference. I can’t even rap.

I can’t climb mount fuji. I can’t deliver monologues on vaginas without stumbling over the vulva. I can’t conduct a seminar on seminary school without dropping trow and urinating in the vestibule. Trust me I’ve tried. It’s useless.

All I can do is blabble. I can coin new words like blabble and then pretend that they’re OH SO frikken meaningful when in fact Jonathon Livingston Seagull himself would drop a shit-bomb on it at the nearest and dearest opportunity. And that’s not just lip service. It’s been discussed and verified and didacticated to the level of g. as in g-minor. As in minorly not good.

How’s that for an ending? Oh you don’t like it? Doesn’t “float your boat” does it? Doesn’t “carry your apple-cart”? - doesn’t “leverage your see-saw?” doesn’t “bobble your bobble-head?” oh so sorry. So goddamm sorry. So so so so sorry that it didn’t meet with your approval, cuz you know that’s all I’m waiting for. I’m waiting for it like Godot. I’m waiting for it like Slaughter. I’m waiting for it like mc hammer and the donation plate. I’m waiting for it like the Denver Broncos and their next victory. Meaning I’m desperate, I’m needy, I’m wanting you’re a-ok, but in a serious and not-so-credible way, I just don’t give a fuck.

Sorry.

Oh yeah – how ‘bout those RAIDERS?

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