Monday, January 13, 2003

Dateline: 1-12-03, Raider Central, Kaneohe Division

Raider game is in 2nd quarter about 6 minutes left – Raiders up 10-3. Boot Bill and Hiawatha are here tanking coqui bottles. They just showed up around 10 talking about juji and manju whatever the hell that is. Well back to the game.

Raiders are the team to beat beyatches. What’s all this press about the jets? Who the fuck are the jets? A bunch of punkasses if you ask me. Am I tempting fate ragging with the game in dispute?

Ah shit nice pass to Santana moss on that beyatch. Best to stop typing and get to watching. Besides boot bill just spilled his 9-ball dammitt.

10:20 to go in the third – still 10-10, Janikowski just biffed a gimme from like the 13 yard line or some shit. Fukn shite. Boot Bill & Hiawatha are trading off vodka shots. That bottle’s almost empty, so then they move on to the plastic bottle of generic “Canadian whiskey” whutever the fuck that means. They are insane and trying to draw me in with them. But no. not today. The raiders must see the road in a clearsighted haze that would be overthrown by that kind of action.

Oh and ordered some za.

Fukn was walking in the kitchen yesterday and stepped on a nice sized chunk of glass. Somehow a glass that broke like a month ago left that lil land mine or somethin rassled it outta a crevice or sumthin but it was waiting for my foot and had me bleedin like a stuck pig.

Fuck yeah td pass to jerry porter the td came while the pizza guy was here. And I flipped out and was like “yeah, gyeah” and jumped up and down and acted a fool and I gave the dude 3 bonez for being a good luck charm for the silver and black thank you pizza hut ok time to grind.

Jerry porter is the fukn shit!!!!! Gannon with the pump fake, porter sprinting up the field 50 yards porter’s longest of the season, final 25 seconds of the third.

Beyatch! – Oakland up 17-10 and driving hos!!!!

Td jerry rice. Aaaahhhh yeeeaahhhh. Raiders up 24-10 about 14 minutes left in the game. Dang that pizza hut was good – the Tabasco pepperoni pan crust – trust me on this one. Go, call now, they’re waiting.

Fuckn romo – goddamm romo you badass mofo. Fumble recovery, turnover ho, romanowski. Nice. Oh & charles woodson is having a pretty damn good game. Fuck, interception jets, next fukn play. Damn fuck damn.

Fuck yeah another quick turnover – interception raiders. Raiders still up 24-10. boot bill has passed out woken up passed out woken up and is demanding the gyro stand on 5th street to deliver when they are in the next district and time capsule. Commercials thou wert made to blog. Well mrs. P gets back tomorrow so I’m a happy bloggin fooh whatever happens in the aforementioned and postmentioned raider shenanigans.

Raider raider raiders. 27-10 off a janikowski field goal, he’s 2-3 today. So boot bill is asleep again. Hiawatha has remained totally silent for almost the whole game. The only outbursts have been the porter td he grabbed his bow and arrow and shot an apple off of bill’s head, dead on shot too. This kid has got some skills that pay bills. Standup guy. Vouch for him to the end.

So where were you bartley? You’re so mia it’s like Chuck Connors up in the beyatch. Punk.

At 7:34 in the 4th, regan Upshaw outta university of California with the crushing sack on chad pennington. Next play: Yeah nice pass chad but outta bizzounds. Dogpound coulda told ya that. Well raiders seem to have this in hand but the way nfl games going lately, no guarantees. There ain’t no guarantees except at circuit city where you can count on them… to try to sell you horsedogger special warranty styles, like you just came off a boat from mainland china, oblivious to all but the wind. Immersed in a sudden and foreign American wasteland, wondering hither and thon to that ultimate apple pie.

6:20 left raiders driving. This one’s in the fridge. Jets just flubbed the 4th & 16. raiders moving more & more, running, pounding, hasta luega jets. Bring on the titans, come on over to oaktown and soak up the town before your ass-beatings Nashville jokers.

Well that’s about it folks. Raiders up 20 off another field goal. The jets on the sidelines have that look of “well, shit we got our asses kicked. At least tomorrow I’ll be in my Bentley and riding jet skis and won’t have to do pushups and situps and fukn all that other crap every fukn day. So I’m a bitch ass ho that got beatdown like a piece of fish at the fishmarket. That’s what I said, the fishmarket.”

Whatever. Raiders are fukn goin all the way this year.