Posted 3:15 PM by Alfred

Jeezo peezo the internet is running slower than a herniated turtle. It’s enough to almost make me want to flip the script and wang on a chung. The CD player just made that smooth transition from Iron Maiden to DJ Quik, which always brings about a t-bone style spine snappa.

Hopefully all y’all will forgive me for my spasmastic bitch session from this morning. And if you don’t forgive me, well, don’t be offended if I don’t give a flying fuck. Deal with it homey.

Damn the steaks on the grill are grilling up and looking smackaliciously wackable, meaning damn good for mi estomago. Therefore I shall retract my aforementioned bitch session, not in its entirety mind you, only the section involving the debate over the bbq. Cuz it’s smelling and looking good.

This morning I was thinking about, um, wait a minute. Aaaah shit. Graham just brought in a taster sample of the steak and damm diggedy dogg if that shit ain’t percolatin’! hotdiggetydogg squad I am about to grind harder than an orange rind.

With that I must leave you with Iron Maiden’s interpretation of some old skool Coleridge (?) action. If you haven’t heard this song, run don’t walk to your nearest cd shop & cop PowerSlave. Otay? Yesh. I have spoken, you must comprende. Si.

Ho brah. Sampleage continues. Ribs up in the heezy. And there’s noodles and rice and greens. Uh oh Sergio it’s getting heezy in this sheezy, time to be gleezy. Like my uncle freezy. Werd? GO RAIDERS.

Iron Maiden
Powerslave (1984)
Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Hear the rime of the ancient mariner
See his eye as he stops one of three
Mesmerises one of the wedding guests
Stay here and listen to the nightmares of the sea.

And the music plays on, as the bride passes by
Caught by his spell and the mariner tells his tale.

Driven south to the land of the snow and ice
To a place where nobody's been
Through the snow fog flies on the albatross
Hailed in God's name, hoping good luck it brings.

And the ship sails on, back to the North
Through the fog and ice and the albatross follows on.

The mariner kills the bird of good omen
His shipmates cry against what he's done
But when the fog clears, they justify him
And make themselves a part of the crime.

Sailing on and on and north across the sea
Sailing on and on and north 'til all is calm.

The albatross begins with its vengeance
A terrible curse a thirst has begun
His shipmates blame bad luck on the mariner
About his neck, the dead bird is hung.

And the curse goes on and on at sea
And the curse goes on and on for them and me.

'Day after day, day after day,
we stuck nor breath nor motion
as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean
Water, water everywhere and
all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink.'

There calls the mariner
There comes a ship over the line
But how can she sail with no wind in her sails and no tide.

See...onward she comes
Onward she nears out of the sun
See, she has no crew
She has no life, wait but there's two.

Death and she Life in Death,
They throw their dice for the crew
She wins the mariner and he belongs to her now.
Then...crew one by one
they drop down dead, two hundred men
She...she, Life in Death.
She lets him live, her chosen one.

'One after one by the star dogged moon,
too quick for groan or sigh
each turned his face with a ghastly pang
and cursed me with his eye
four times fifty living men
(and I heard nor sigh nor groan)
with heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
they dropped down one by one.'

The curse it lives on in their eyes
The mariner he wished he'd die
Along with the sea creatures
But they lived on, so did he.

and by the light of the moon
He prays for their beauty not doom
With heart he blesses them
God's creatures all of them too.

Then the spell starts to break
The albatross falls from his neck
Sinks down like lead into the sea
Then down in falls comes the rain.

Hear the groans of the long dead seamen
See them stir and they start to rise
Bodies lifted by good spirits
None of them speak and they're lifeless in their eyes

And revenge is still sought, penance starts again
Cast into a trance and the nightmare carries on.

Now the curse is finally lifted
And the mariner sights his home
spirits go from the long dead bodies
Form their own light and the mariner's left alone.

And then a boat came sailing towards him
It was a joy he could not believe
The pilot's boat, his son and the hermit,
Penance of life will fall onto him.

And the ship it sinks like lead into the sea
And the hermit shrieves the mariner of his sins.

The mariner's bound to tell of his story
To tell his tale wherever he goes
To teach God's word by his own example
That we must love all things that God made.

And the wedding guest's a sad and wiser man
And the tale goes on and on and on.

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