Posted 12:36 PM by Alfred

This day might as well be called jerk-off day. Everything has been a big fukn jerk-off waste of energy on bullshit ass crap in the meantime getting in the way of getting any real fukn work done that puts moolah in my pocket.

Cases in point: the goddamm mothafuckin copy machine, which my boss doesn’t want to shell out cash for a goddamm mothafuckin person to come fix the mothafucka again is fucked up again as usual. A couple months ago it was fucked up and I fucked around with the toner and then it worked. I am not a goddamm fukn copier technician but I fucked around with it and then it worked. So my boss is fukn around with it and is like “whoever put in this goddamm toner is a fukn idiot!” and I’m like well fuck you then, you fix it. So he proceeds to tear it apart and get fukn toner shit all over the fukn place and make a big fukn mess and the fukn thing works worse than it did before and we all have to freak out & I’m calling the fukn copier company to make sure we have the right toner cartridge which of course we do so it was a total fukn waste of time donkey shit escapade.

Case # 2: this goddamm fukn guy who is an affiliate of ours who we send information to seems to be smoking goddamm fukn crack or something lately becuz you cannot send one goddamm piece of fukn information to this guy without him comin back with the stupidest goddamm fukn questions. You could send this guy a piece of paper that said “the sky is blue” and he would call back and be like “um, well, I got your fax, and um, so does this mean that the sky is blue?” Yes you fukn moron! FUCK! I caught up on all the info I owed this guy and then I have to spend half my fukn day explaining to him why the fukn earth is round. God mothafuckin dammit!

Case #3: It’s fukn windy as fukn hell here right now, so shit is fukn blowin all over the fukn place, the neighbor’s carport tent or whatever the fuck it is blew over and hit the side of our Quonset hut and practically gave me a fukn heart attack. The people down the way they’ve got fukn lumber flying all over and hittin trucks and shit and fukn there is a weird fukn vibe in the air today all around.

Case #4: Fukn we have to argue about what the fuck if we’re having a fuckn barbecue today or not. Fukn nobody tells me till the last fukn minute and nobody knows except these two deuscholes that decided to suddenly plan a fukn cookout for new years even though it’s almost fukn February. Well I shouldn’t complain cuz I’ll be stoked when I’m eating bbq but I feel like bitching right now and there was a well, ahem, discussion about lack of communication in the office this morning which was another waste of fukn time.

Case #5: This old dude that is like the chairman emeritus or old-timer joe has to go to the doctor at 11 AM, so I’m like OK we’ll get you a ride over there. He’s like “well I shouldn’t be too long, so you can hang out and eat at the cafeteria here while I’m there and then give me a ride back,” and well, the aforementioned mysterious not-so-official barbeque in effect precludes me wanting to eat strained peas and cabbage in some fukn hospital so I have to go through the whole fukn story. It is not good enough to tell this old fart that I will make sure he gets a ride back from the fukn hospital which is 10 fukn minutes away from our office. No, he has to plan my fukn day and set my fukn schedule and force-feed me fukn animal crackers and ensure diet drink. I feel like I should be wearing “oops I crapped my pants” diapers.

So bear with me because my coochie hurts.

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