Posted 4:21 PM by Alfred

The Clippers started off the second half of the season right with a win in Phoenix last night. That makes us happy here in Kaneohe. Well, it makes me, and my 83 personalities, and old man Withers down at the Chemical Spray factory, happy. And I’m pretty sure those skater kids that hang out by the fire hydrant outside the liquor store are Clips fans too, so it’s cool. Maybe LA’s bastard stepchild of a basketball team will make an insane run and nab that last playoff spot. Yeah and maybe Donald Sterling will steer clear of the Everclear jell-o shots at the party tonight. Yeah, Don is out here visiting one of his Aunt’s who happens to be on her deathbed. Word is she’s got a few bucks and he’s coming to get in line with the rest of the buzzards. I would’ve asked him what the fuck, I mean, he’s got bookoo cash as it is, but if you know Don, you don’t ask, the scrilla is about as important as an 800 pound gorilla to that feller, and there’s no if and but in his vocab when it comes to paper collection methods. He'd sick a pack of doberman's on his grandma's butler if the bricks was salty enough. I once saw homey deliver a package of incense to an arabian fork company under the guise of a UPS delivery guy, sneak into the stockroom, and jack em for they styrofoam popcorn just so he wouldn't have to pack his van gogh collection with his own stash. This was when he sold his personal collection of fine otherknowledgely renditions to this crazy oil tycoon in Houston. There was a Clipper road trip through Texas and he was unloading old masters and clockin large chronicled quantities of diamonds, which he then had shipped to Canada for redistribution. A tricky old bird that Donal Sterling, don't sleep on him, do not sleep, he will bite you in your hand and then feed you graham crackers.

Oh, the party? yes I almost forgot. Well, Donald can’t go anywhere without bringing some groupies and hangers-on, and they wanna party, so me and Mrs. P are gonna take the crew clubbing through Waikiki tonite. I’ve gotta admit I’m a little rusty on the scene, but I really believe that if this motley crew sees a few aloha shirts they’ll catch the experience good enough, and ya know, I still got some minor hook-ups that should get the heeziness factor to about 12. There's about 23 in his crew, he's very Jordan centrified for a perennial non-concerned loser, and I know they'll want to hit the beach for some skinny-dipping first. That's where I'll stay back on the beach and play parcheesi with the beach boys, the unknown great grandson of Pops Magee, the ultimate haole old schooler. I figure it’s on me to pop and lock and get the pistol jocked so whutcanyado? Once Don’s half in the can you could take him to the Elk’s lodge and he’d think it was the most underground secret rave party this side of “Who’s the Boss” the lost episode. So it’s all gee.

What else? That’s really about it. I’m trying my best not to hear to much about the Daredevil movie, which I’m looking forward too despite the Affleck factor. ‘Na mean? I gotta represent the marvel comic book Glendale RTD posse film at 11 style. And if I don’t, then Long Beach WILL call, and explanations, some I may not be prepared to offer, will be demanded, and I can’t have that, as my realness is unquestioned in this industry.

Oh, and despite all the high hopes I’ve got for the Clippers this season, the Lake-show is gonna make it four in a row. You heard it here, well, probably not first, but maybe 8th or 9th. Despite that factor, let it be known, the championship goes through LA and Kobe & Shaq, and Sacramento ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of queens and the mavs ain’t nothing but a bunch of good European shooters with a quirky coach until they knock off the Lakes. Kobe’s got those new daddy vibes and he’s like, “jr. got to see daddy takin’ it to the rack and bombin’ tres and keeping it rilly in the philly or squilly whatever is the dillie.” I know he’s usually more well-spoken than that, but trust me. Direct quote. And yes I’m a bandwagon ass LA glommer. Live with it. But seriously, the only team that has a chance of beating the lakers in a 7-game series is the Clippers as long as Donald Sterling’s severed head is displayed on a stick in the Clips’ locker room prior to the game and they learn that Bill Gates is their new owner. Despite Bill Gates’ status as the devil incarnate this is the one true path, and I won’t back down from this statement. I’ll bet my near-mint copy of Avengers #1 on that shite.

---