Posted 1:46 PM by Alfred

When you get to be old is the fact that you can’t shut the fuck up and listen to anybody a product of your fear of imminent death and the need to spout all your rambling ass bullshit before the moment of croakage? Fuck! There’s this old fart that breezes through this place like a fukn tumbleweed that just has to talk talk talk and not let you get in a fukn word edgewise and then when he’s done it’s like “oh well, um, well, gotta get goin’ ya know,” and if you say jack shit on a different subject he immediately either walks away with a parting remark or finds a way to transition the subject over to some other pointless cock ass crap that concerns only the people whose colons are withering away due to father time taking a Maplewood cane to them on an hourly basis.

Ok I’m just being mean now. In fact, um, this is just a made up story. This made up old feller, he’s really a nice guy at heart, just cranky and cantankerous and in serious need of a muzzle. But he’s got spunk. Theoretically his head is in fact not up his ass and senility has not set in. but in all actuality, is it too much to ask for some (emphasize some, this is not a blanket accusation - there are many kind understanding and down-with-it aged personas in this hemisphere that should in no way feel offended by my diatribe herein) old time style people to have some patience and respect for the younger generation despite the obviousness that we are slaves to the “herky jerky” and we “put all kinds of crap in our face” and listen to the “boom boom boom” and all that? I mean maybe we are not fukn idiots after all. But nooooo you are always right and the fact that you lived through the depression gives you permanent right to bitch for eternity, as well as tell us exactly whut the fuck is wrong with the world and why it's our fault. well yeah maybe it is my fault but ya know whut? um, I don't know, but it was meaningful and deep dammit!

Dammit again. See it’s this kind of shit that gets written and not posted for obvious reasons. I mean I don’t want to offend all of my over-80 readers. You wouldn’t think it, but I get a shitload of traffic from convalescent hospitals and old folk homes. They come for the meds and stay for the stories. It’s really a give and take you see, I make them remember the days when bunnies talked and drank coqui 900 and they provide me with social security numbers so I can gank their identities and medicare benefits. Cha-ching. You know how much you can get for a visit from dr. funkenstein on the open market? Bankroll my friend.

Ya know in all actuality, I think I'm just jealous. I can't wait until the day I can tell all the younger people how fucked up they are. I can't wait until I can have some skewed view of my own past and the glory of def leppard and tell everyone how "that was real music" and that all this crap your pumping through your speakers ain't shit OR shinola. It's just the useless ramblings of an old decrepit shell of a man that yearns for the days of Silkk the Shocker and Snoop Dogg, I mean NOW they got that homogenized milk, back in my day, you drank your milk straight out of the goat tit, no chaser, dammit. Chaser's for punks. and we gulped down jim beam in fukn gallon jugs, and came back for more. It was an era of real dillios, not like you overhyped out on your whatever the hell the kids will be doing for kicks in the year 2053. Whatever it is I guarantee it'll suck ass compared to Quiet Riot and repeated viewings of Milli-Vanilli's scandalous tape recorded concert. It will not hold a goddamm candle to the magic that was vanilla ice.

This ain’t going up. It’s too controversial. I would feel too guilty after posting it. I couldn’t show my head at the NRA meetings. I mean Chuck Heston made me swear I would tone it down, and here I go. Shit, here I go…

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