Monday, March 31, 2003
who am I, Bill Nye?
You know what I mean? I mean I’m green. Green with envy over a dog named Brandon and a little girl named Peggy Sue. Together they formed the little known mid-eighties version of the Mod Squad. It was Thursday morning cartoon featuring smurfette as their government contact. No other smurfs were in sight. None. Absolutely zero. (Except that muscle smurf guy with the tattoo, was it handy smurf? He comes in as smurfette’s love interest for part of one episode, but it was like maybe 2 minutes of screen time) so this mod squad cartoon was also featuring a character named OG ratbone who was down with the 8th avenue moneyhandlers, also known as CGL (critical ghetto law). It was morecore division, with a parameter of insanity.
Damn I miss that cartoon. It taught me a lesson every Thursday. The first lesson was don’t go out of the house today, Tuesdays neither, cuz you know whut happens on Tuesdays and Thursdays….
That’s them days that they’re out on the sweep, NOPD, up in a homey’s face like what(?). yeah whut? Whut is nuttin but a butt of fruckaduck.
The second thing they taught me was that Brandon the Dog should never be fed artichoke hearts, because the juice was known to make him lose his MIND.
The third thing I learned was that the little girl called Peggy Sue was secretly the devil’s niece. The was only part devil-blood, but still pretty evil. No scratch that, she was very evil.
The fourth thing I discovered was that this mod squad was going to be nothing like the 60’s version in which these really hip hipsters saved the world at the whims of some super secret government agency because the feds had dirt on them. Well they did have a super secret government agency connection whut with Smurfette, but she never gave them assignments. She just giggled and threw pig’s blood at the wall. It was really weird but at the same time interesting. The other odd thing is that I was only 4.8 years old and should have never known about the mod squad. Damn, did my parents tell me about it, or wuz it implanted into my memories, or even my conscious brain when I was a baby. All that information, whut if there’s more I don’t know about? Damn. Damnitt damn what am I going to do?
The fifth thing I learned wuz that Twinkies last a really long time.
The sixth thing I learned watching the 80’s mod squad cartoon wuz that the clippers will always beat teams from elvis-ville.