Posted 11:54 AM by Alfred

I shall not pimp out other blogs any more.

I shall not write about the la clippers any more.

I shall not vocalize the from-the-dead messages of the greatest guitar player of all time aka Randy Rhoads any more.

I shall no longer represent Glendale, Berkeley, and Kaneohe.

I shall never again split my consciousness into three disparate entities and write down their verbal sparrings for the consumption of you good folks.

I shall no longer shoot baskets in the warehouse at my work.

I will never again ride a motorcycle.

I will no longer listen to Kool Keith or the Chemical Brothers, and I will smash my Scarface CD.

I will set my neighbor’s dog on fire.

I will eat fish-head stew and give up drinking beer forever.

I will sit down for a pleasant dinner with Jesse Jackson and tell him what an inspiration he is.

I will urinate on a fire hydrant right in front of Honolulu Hale. (city hall)

I will take the Hose Monster off of my links list and replace him with the Drudge Report.

I will be leaving Hawaii and moving to Alabama.

I will announce my retirement from blogging tomorrow at oh nine-hundred hours.

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