Thursday, May 01, 2003

And y’all thought I wasn’t gonna write shit today.

Well maybe I won’t write anything worth reading, but I’m finna write somethin’. That’s right, I’m finna do it. finna is like ghetto style for “going to” and no I’m not black and no I don’t live in the ghetto. There’s a little ghetto around a few blocks over, though, bars on the window and everything. Right by the liquor store. See on this island, you can be at the million dollar houses and walk about five blocks and get hit over the head with a tire iron by Kainoa the happy crackhead. It’s just, um, like that.

Probably the most ghetto place I ever lived was my short lived adventure as a town side living haole. Right on the slopes of punchbowl, playa, and it was like, chronic boobonic and the Tongans had the goods, each and every night, na mean? Even if you don’t, it’s aiight. Lots of people might playa hate on my ass for talking like this but bill gates can kiss my ass, fa sho? Gyeah and hellz bellzyeah. My house was so ghetto, my mom din’t even want to come in, yo, she was just like, get in the car Alfred and lets go grab some dinner, na mean? It was like that, it was not a place to bring your grandma. There were like 5 houses crammed into one driveway, and one was back in the back in the tall grass (not with Fleetwood mac) and like, there was this crazy Hawaiian guy that I never saw, but I heard him talking to Harvey the rabbit (I think – Harvey never mentioned him, now that I think about it) about “killing all the haoles.” Ha ha, that guy was pretty cool, even though I never even saw him let alone met him. Still though, the aina.

There were these really dorky guys from seattle that came and lived in the ghetto house, and they really wanted to relive the movie north shore. So every day they would ride their scooters up to north shore from town, for if you know oahu, is an insane ride cuz you can’t take those little sprees on the freeway. Fukn stupid asses. Even when I dropped this one jackass off at the airport, he’s like “thanks rabbit” or whatever line he was trying to redo from the movie, maybe it was “rick” like the main haole from north shore. And they bought custom surfboards and wrote “joe and ed’s Hawaiian hogshit” or whatever they wrote, but they made it look like that da hui symbol. Da hui is this old school Hawaiian surf gang, and if you’re in the water and they paddle up to you, they probably aren’t interested in what time it is, they’re about to beat some haole ass. Nah, some of them are cool, not that I would know, the last time I tried to surf, I caught one third of one wave and scratched up that shit on a reef, and fucked up all my duck dives and drank some salt water and was like fuck this. Well that’s a lie, cuz I tried it out a few more times, but never with much success. I bet if I rented a long board at Waikiki though and went for it, I could kick ass, cuz that’s super easy, but I wanted to do it the hard way and learn on a short board, which would have been great if I’d kept at it, but I don’t know, I didn’t feel like spending all that time cuz sometimes I’m a lazy pile like that.

So that’s what I did this summer. Or wait, that summer. But maybe it wasn’t summer, all the seasons kinda blend together out here. So I’m gonna like, grab a pic or two off the internet and throw this up on blogger. Peace.

Oh and big ups to hoseman.

Go lakers.