Posted 5:04 PM by Alfred

I’ve got menehune in my house, and they’re stealing my clothes.

Menehune are like the Hawaiian version of leprechauns, and I hear them cackling and eating my wheat thins in the otherwise still of the night when I wake from dreams of mephisto taking over a piano yard of souls and realize I need to drain the lizard. I hear them talking amongst themselves, but usually decide to leave them be. When I don’t decide to leave them be and want to go capture and/or smash them, they’re way too fast for me. I’ve only seen one. Once. And his name was pat mcgroin, at least he told me, and then he disappeared when I was momentarily distracted by a trick of the light reflecting off the east window.

There’s a bottled water company here called menehune water. Good stuff. I just wish they’ stop stealing my shit. First my gym shorts, now my jacket. What the eff? What does a man have to do in this society to prevent small forest creatures (possibly, although rivers are a main thoroughfare for them) from obtaining illegally, I might add, his apparel essentials on the regulah with abosolutely no respect for the norms of society, passed down from jebediah smithstonian on a Tuesday afternoon back in 1886. or was it 87? I confuse the wines of both of those years from Eckstein Acres, and exclusive vineyard in south central napa. The proprietor is an interesting robotic gentlemen with linguistics of adequate function in both portugeuse and Chinese, and pin-perfect English as well as Lithuanian. And an old mandarin dialect from souther peking. And he speaks pig latin as well as gibberish, JUST in case someone under his attendance goes into a hysterical religious moment, and he is certified by 8 major religions to advise the highest personnel on such and said person’s spiritual health.

He’s really a major playa, and his name escapes me at this moment, but when it is rounded up, savagely beaten, interrogated even after providing substantial information, and then debriefed and admitted once again to society without his ever having known the ordeal he went through, I will definitely let you know.

Guess that’s it for now.

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