Monday, May 19, 2003

Ok guess I got a minute. So how was the weekend? Mine was pretty good. Had drinks at the Mai-Tai bar in ala moana last nite, which is always good, for lack of a more original descriptive word. I was drinking frozen mai-tais, which are good. Then we came home & watched Malcolm in the middle, which was not as funny as I had hoped or anticipated, but such is life. Tried to find sunglasses for me, prescription, which is about as easy as giving a gorilla an enema without an anesthesiologist on the premises. It’s difficult. Not easy. Fukn it’s like every pair I like either they crush my giant head and there are no bigger sizes or they’re like, unable to put prescription lenses in those bastards or they look fukn stupid, and the only ones I really liked were 2 hun. Just for the fukn frames, man. Fuk that shite. Plus we were looking for a video camera for the Europe trip and shit, you gotta have a fukn phd in mixology to understand which fukn video camera to buy. Well I guess it’s not that bad, we think we know which one we want, but gotta do a little research.

So what else? No I’m asking you? yes the lakers fukn lost. Actually that was last week. Fuk the lakers, it’s all about the clips anyway. And yeah I’m a bandwagon jumpin goat thief, deal with it amerika. My boss just told me a really racist joke which I will not repeat here. In fact I’m gonna erase that sentence so you’ll know that I never ever ever hear racist jokes and certainly don’t laugh at them. Because involuntary laughter means you could be a racist. And I’m not racist. (oh shit, I just said I’m not a racist therefore I’m a racist) oh well.

Fukn whut the fuk else can I say to piss you off? Mother Theresa is a stupid bitch. That Hitchens guy that’s supposedly so smart said so. I linked it, like, months ago, so you can scour my archives like you always do and then you’ll know about a quarter of what I know. Which is a shitload. I got a lot of e-mail (meaning none) about my expose on the pope hanging out in Waikiki strip clubs, of which I was made privy to by my ulterior job as a Honolulu limo driver. I won’t expand on it, as I have been contacted by Vatican lawyers except to verify that as far as I know the pope has no identifiable piercings. At least from whut I can see. I don’t know why, but that was very important to the Johnny Cochran ass mofos that called me this morning (early) waking me out of bed and putting bad images in my noggin. NO I didn’t see the pope’s nipples you sick bastards, shit I just waited in the car while he got whatever freak on that he does. In fact it could have been Lyle Alzado for all I know (it WAS the pope, though) I mean, shit, giant sombrero, sunglasses, a live boa constrictor, shit, I could barely see the man’s face, but his walk, his gait, his aura, shit that was all pope. Just cuz you got your pope on don’t mean you don’t have needs, na mean? Shit the pope’s got needs, bitch. Now recognize.

Hopefully there’s lots of catholics reading this and they’ll all blogroll me NOW. Seriously I think the pope is really cool, I just think he’s misunderstood and seriously, if his lawyers would stop calling, I might just drop the subject altogether, and not mention a certain young lady named Kealona Rashala who just so happens to work at club femme nu who just so Happens to have a copy of the pope’s fingerprint on her mascara case. Bet. Try me. Ok? Werd.