Friday, June 06, 2003

Wutta looooooaaad o monkey shit. oh, what, you may ask, is a load of monkey shit? well probably most monkeys, unless they very recently had a bowel movement.

So, uh, did I mention that Bob’s Big Boy is from Glendale? No? yes? Well, he is. And I tell a lot of outrageous lies in this here space, but that is not one of them.

I hope the Nets make a fukn series out of this. I wonder if Jay Kidd is like “damn if I could just punch my wife a few times, maybe I could get pumped up a little better.” Yes that’s not nice. And no, I’m not a paid sports writer, so good luck putting me on probation for saying it. and yes of course I think (know?) that kidd regrets what he did, yadda yadda moment of passion yadda yadda it’ll never happen again, but I don’t know about you, every time I see the guy on tv I think about it. and wonder why his wife is still there. (oh wait, millions of dollars? Hmmm) did any of you catch that article in SI last year, the “look everything’s fine, we’re the modern day fukn Cleavers over here!” expose? Ok let’s get the shot of us together in the bathtub, oh we are soooo in love!! Um, me thinkst thou protesteth too mucheth. Anyone trying to show you one side so much has got fukn skeletons and or dirt to hide. Whatevs, he’s a hell of a basketball player, he took his punishment like a man, yadda yadda. But still, don’t try to tell my you’re fukn Saint Ignatius up in this bitch. And he has to be on every “look I’m an NBA player teaching a kid how to read” commercial, and fukn “got milk?” ok I got one for you, “got black eye?” once again, ok, the not nice meter is in the red zone.

No one was more disappointed than me when Jason Kidd popped his wife in the face. I mean, the guy’s a golden bear ferchrissake. Notwithstanding the stories I’d heard back in the day about him driving up & down sorority row screaming drunkenly “hey, I’m Jason Kidd, dammit, who wants to fuck?” on down to his little car accident alcohol dillio in oaktown on down to just, I don’t know, I always assumed the best about the guy, wanted to believe the best.

But when you punch your wife square in her face in front of your kid, shit man, sorry Charlie, I don’t really care what kind of emotional ladatts you’re going through, you done crossed the line. And I know it’s been whut, a year, more, geez two years, whatevs, shit man, some blood doesn’t wash out. (out damn spot) I’m forgiving, but I don’t forget.

Shit man, give the guy a damn break (theme?) yeah he’s an easy target cuz he’s in the finals. Ok I’m over it. I mean, maybe I’m rougher on the guy because he’s a golden bear. In fact, definitely. I mean, I don’t think spouse abuse every time I see fukn jim brown. Or Tommy Lee. Or almost anyone for that matter. Like the general public, I’m in an outrage at the time of occurrence and then slowly it washes away until you almost can’t see it, like a chocolate stain after like 5 trips to the cleaners. It’s like, oh yeah, well that was a while ago. But with Kidd, it’s like, he was my guy, the guy I watched light up little haas gym (before it was Haas Arena/pavilion/whatever the fuk it is), the guy that wowed us with his magic like passes, the second coming of bball to the Berkeley hills, not seen since the 50’s, and then he carried on, all-star on the biggest stage, and then… scandal. The worst kind. (well, I guess not THE worst, not like a coked out murder of a prostitute in crack alley, but still pretty fucked) and it was like, shit. ok well, he’s human, but his whole attitude on his comeback from shame, his, like, zeal to prove that he’s the ultimate father/husband/person, it’s like, gimme a fukn break dude, the glass is already shattered, just fukn play already. Maybe I’m pissed off that I can’t root wholeheartedly for THE guy from MY team during my college years. Fuk. At least Lamond Murray is still around. (is he?) fuk, and he was even on the clippers, and yes I’m rambling now. Fuk it.

I’m actually rooting for the nets, though. Underdog status notwithstanding, the golden bearness of it dictates my allegiances. And the fact that the admiral & Duncan are the two most boring 7 footers in the land. And the fact the k-mart is pretty damn exciting. But don’t trust me, see what bill simmons has to say about it. and j-kidd, keep going man, i mean, shit, everyone deserves a second chance, don't listen to piles like me that fukn playa hate. BUT please bear in mind no more punching bag follies with wifey's face, and well, i guess it should be all good.

And that is how we dance on sprockets, natch.