Tuesday, July 29, 2003

I have performed many tasks today, at an exceptional level.

I have deciphered many pseudonymical codes and patterns with precision and arrogance, and thus in a more than adequate manner.

I have provided a communications platform of mine own mind & body, with which to allow for minisculiquitively small levels of accidental interface.

Thus my reward and yours shall be further bloggage.

Now when I wrote my dogshit sports report I didn’t realize that kobe had actually admitted to sleeping consensually with mrs. X or whatever her name shall be (I guess Miss X since she’s not married, or is she?) possibly they’ve released her name rendering my whole meandering worthless but for the sake of this discussion it doesn’t really matter, so we shall, forthwith, proceed.

Anyway, so she says that it was consensual, but when kobe tried to roll her over and go for the ulterior (posterior – some may call service) entrance to the premises, she forthwith did express much concern and disdain and sayeth “no” whereby he proceeded and did the herky-jerky down the Hershey highway.

Ok a little more graphic than we normally get on a Sunday morning, or Tuesday afternoon, or whatever the case may be. But different situations by which I must stand as an intrepid reporter call for different strategies. Anyway where the fuk was I?

Oh yeah. Kobe. And his 4 million dollar diamond. such a blatant affection for sale move, that like, shit kobe, wait a couple months, buy her a new benz, and don't call fukn fritz coleman and keep him posted. “uh, honey, maybe a 2 million dollar pool cue to bitch slap me with for the rest of our lives?” he’s fucked cuz I don’t think he got a pre-nup and he knows she could take him to the BANK now. Shit, admitted adultery. Fuk, and hey, don’t get me wrong, what kobe did was fucked up, but let’s not draw and quarter him in the media either. And go easy on the girl, too, you can already see the sharks (kobe’s lawyers) circling the blood on this one. Young girl with a slightly checkered past, history of histrionics, but ya know whut? Fuk, everybody gets a lil crazy it’s just some people are unlucky to have them on the books. Well actually, I guess, the more you get crazy the higher chances you’ll be on those books? Well a certain level of cognizance and smarts go with it as well, I mean, you can be a sucka, and get jonezied your first gigowatt, even in the blue special aisle at k-mart if you don’t watch your bizack.

So oh yeah, the more shit I was gonna add on that is that, shit, if you’re in the nba, what are your hopes for an affair-free successful marriage. Think about it, the day you walk in the door there’s 85 hoes a nite lined up for the goods, and you say no 364 times and say fuk it once and suddenly you’re on the six o clock news. And shit you know kobe said fuk it more than once, try 132 to be precise (totally made up number) but shit, I mean, why you think so many illegitimate kids and crazy women in the nba? And don’t even throw the race card, playboy, cuz plenty of white gentlemen playing bball and whut got damn shitload o kids from all over. Look at Larry Legend I mean he had some daughter he sent money too but never even talked to or hung with until she was like 19, and she idolized the fucker, yeah thanks dad for giving me some damn sperm, thanks a lot you fuck. that’s what I would have thought if I was her. but yeah, fukn they got yugoslavian mofos in their bagging every little bizzo through the door, it's the fukn lifestyle. look at Jordan and Magic, they both got their game on off the court and it was a clap wink and a nudge 20 years later even with jordan's allegations and his wife making a show of leaving him. yeah right, she came back, the hillary special, she ain't gonna leave Jordan. It's majorly fucked, it leaves this machismo culture all around, and has to bounce down the generations, and shit, it's just reality, but just for these people, whose lives are not reality for the rest of us, not even close. we can't really know what it would be like, and neither can they, cuz they've crossed through the looking glass, they're fodder for our entertainment, and nothing more. we shall reward them handsomely, but they must continue to dance, and we to watch. and listen. and learn. and self-delude. and make way too much a case of it in a long winded authoritative treatise about it.

So anyway, I’m getting way off track every shit ass thing I’m trying to delve into. Don’t read too much between the lines and don’t recognize too many goats when you’re walking in Sweden, because they get offended, not that I’ve ever even been to fukn Sweden, but still, it’s known.

Ok I think that’s about it for now. I’ll be at Frankie and veronica’s house roasting a big old lamb for Kwanzaa. Not that it’s Kwanzaa and not that I’m jewish. I’m not, and I don’t know when Kwanzaa is. Not that there’s anything wrong with Kwanzaa or being jewish. I’m assuming they’re both great things, especially being jewish, I don’t really know about Kwanzaa, maybe it really sucks for a lot of people, cuz you know, sometimes holidays suck, so even if it’s really relevant in a scripture type sense, your own personal experience could still seriously blow, so I’ll leave that open for interpretation.

Update: Last Story provides a quite logical and articulate analysis of this whole kobe rape scandal dillio, and it is very very good, an adjective that will have to suffice due to my lack of thesaurus-skills. did I mention logical & articulate? ok, carry on.