dr. doooom's answering machine

Warning: dogshit sports post. for those so inclined, feel free to skip this manure and go pursue a more invigorating and stimulating past time. staring contest with your guinea pig comes to mind. regular programming will resume at my leisure.

now that you have been alerted, peep my witty observations and completely retarded hypothesi as I take in this marc stein column on the winners and losers in nba free agency this summer….

ah shit, payton & mailman on the lakes? Shit dawg, now, I heard about this before I left, but now, the officiality of the whole thing, shit foohs, ya know, ya KNOW, now this means the lakers take another title this year, right? Now, um, no, the spurs can’t do shit, the nets can’t do shit, ain’t nobody can do shit, except MAYBE the clips, ok shit, I’m on crack, they can’t do shit neither, ain’t no body can do shit, ain’t nobody, one word too, na mean, one word & two word version of nobody ain’t none of them gonna be able to step in the muthafuckin stadium when this shit goes down.

And wait, ok, um, looking at this picture, I see karl malone with number 32. did I miss something here? Shaq gave up # 32 when he came in in deference to magic, who if his jersey ain’t retired yet, you know it’s going up there someday, but they cough of the balls for malone? Nah, this is just a publicity shot, this shit ain’t real, they ain’t givin’ magic’s number to karl malone, ah know they din’t.

Ok and this whole kobe thing, um, I haven’t really heard what’s up, just that he had an “im innocent” press conference and bought his wife like a 4 million dollar diamond. Nothing says I’m innocent like a 4 million dollar guilt infested diamond. I mean, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, “oh, I was gonna get this diamond anyway baby, but now that I’m up on pervert charges, well ain’t it a nice little, ya know, pattern in the gigasphere, and hopefully will divert your attention from the flashing lights and probing questions of Barbara wawa and Johnny carson’s crew of bastard stepchildren."

Whuuut? Horry signed with san antone? Ah fuk it, homey suddenly can’t shoot for shit during clutch time anyway. Clutch city is closed bitch, besides that was Houston fools, fifth ward, nuttios, not no san antone, don’t try to recreate the memories, robinson’s gone, Duncan is good but he ain’t no olajuwon, and um, hey, where’s Kenny Anderson? Yeah that’s what I thought.

Ah shit, sprewell on the t-wolves? Yah fuk the knicks. Gilbert arenas to the wizards? Yah fuk the warriors. Speaking of the warriors, here’s what stein has to say: (sorry joe)

Doesn't matter that the rules conspired against them when it came to keeping Arenas. In their long-suffering fans' eyes, the Warriors have fumbled again. And without Arenas and Earl Boykins, in the mighty West, the league's longest playoff drought is bound to be stretched to a 10th season.

Ok and here’s what stein says about the clippers:

The Clippers could have paid Elton Brand more than $105 million over seven seasons, so matching Miami's six-year, $82 million offer to Brand is a bargain by comparison, even for owner Donald T. Sterling, a lifelong non-spender. That's one reason why reaction to the Brand signing, which figured to be trumpeted as a momentous occasion in the annals of Clipperdom, has been so muted. Another reason: Sterling's profits for last season have been estimated as high as $40-plus million. So even after L.A. paid more than it usually does for a coach -- $10 million over four seasons to Mike Dunleavy -- this is clearly a time you expect the Clippers to spend a little more, even allowing for the Sterling factor. It'll be a major disappointment if Odom and Corey Maggette aren't retained like Brand. If only one of those two small forwards comes back, it will be remembered as yet another sad summer in spite of the Brand/Dunleavy exacta.

Ok for anyone that knows the clips this is very very very very very encouraging. Mike dunleavy coaching and they held onto Brand. Ok they can go march into the sewer and lather up in goats milk now for all I care, they’ve done their duty and already gone beyond the call. Congratulations clippers, this is basically the equivalent of a championship for you. parade at 11.