Wednesday, August 20, 2003

I may be slightly insane but I’m thinking a collaboration album with Morissey and Big Pun would have blown up the fucking charts. Can you imagine “last of the famous international playboys” with like a breakbeat in the middle and just a fukn sick ass verse from the Puerto Rock on like how he’s the last international playboy and how he’s gonna like skullfuck anybody that says different, and with Morrissey doing his la-dee-dah thang in the background? SHIT that would be fucking pimp.

Too bad Big Pun’s dead and that shit’ll never happen. I can’t think of another rap star that would fit into the scenario of kickin off a flow with the ex Smith’s frontman.

This morning I was wishing I had a digital camera because when I rode the motorcycle into the shop I went through a puddle and it left a really interesting pair of trails behind it, first in a straight line, but then the trail from the front tire veering off and then crossing the back trail again. The view through the sliding glass door with like maybe a hint of glare would have been fan-fucking-tabulous.

Five minutes ago it was pouring rain and the sun was shining sure as shit. does that all the fukn time out here. Takes you a little while to get used to it. rain’s gone now and so is my chance for that killer picture as the trails have dried up and so is the chance for the musical collaboration of all time cuz big pun had a big ol' fukn heart attack.

I’m really not happy about this whole little kid group with baby pun and lil benzino or whatever and some other little kid. Let these kids have normal lives, or at least fukn benzino just cuz you own source magazine and the fukn frontal cash advantage to prop up your own weak ass shit albums that I’ve never listened to but judge nonetheless, um where was I, just let your kid cruise. Fuk I don’t know where I was going with this. Lil bow wow is named just bow wow now & he’s trying to look pretty hardcore on his album cover, but shit dog, hope you saved your milkbones, cuz the 15 minutes is up. And shit, with that line of thinking, maybe lil benzino and the crew should stack up some chips. in five years all these kids will be like old and try to come up with a super group of like the faded child rap stars and some a&r will champion the cause and some record company will lose bankloads of money, cuz shit, might as well get fukn leif garret and fukn davey jones in the studio as those little fucktards once they've passed puberty. I mean when was the last time you heard from kriss-kross? shit speaking of which I saw a kid wearing his jeans backwards the other day. flipped my frikken lid dawg.

So um, yeah, big pun & Morrissey, that would have made millions, millions I’m telling you, cuz you’d get all the emo’s and the ghetto bastards all lined up to see whut the fuck was going on, kroq would be cumming in their sweat socks just at the rumor of it, fukn all the hip hop dj’s would at first say it was dogshit and then come slurping up the remains of the day and then pronounce it the most ingenius move of either man’s career. sidenote: is morrissey considered emo? I confess herein to throwing around a term I know little about. Now elmo, i know plenty about that raggedy little fuck. Yo, I've met grover, and Elmo, let me tell you, you are no Grover.

And fuck imagine if they’d gotten randy rhoads to play guitar on that shit, give it a little 80’s metal twist? Ok ok, shit you’re right, ok, that wouldn’t have really worked, you caught me, I’m trying to just interject Mr. Rhoads into a situation that would have really more called for that guy from the smiths, marrs or whatever his name was, I mean, 80’s metal wouldn’t have worked, although Rhoads could have changed up, shit, imagine where he would have taken the art of axe-grinding if he was still alive today? Main oh main I shudder & flutter to think. Would have been crip. Damn maybe Randy would have made a fine addition, and SHIT they could have had Ozzy come on for just one song, just one damn song, fukn do a mish mash of sing your life and Mr. Crowley, a fukn duet. SHIT! fuk why do people gotta die?

Damn if people could get paid phat money to coordinate albums with dead people prominently featured I would be in the fukn cash flow mein freunds. Unfortunately I can’t think of anyone alive that could pull this shit off. You gonna put fukn Fabolous up there with Morrissey? Oh hell no. Ja Rule? 50 Cent? Snoop? Gimme a fukn break. I’d put Nell Carter up there over Nelly. Ok MAYBE Snoop could pull it off. Nah. It would have to be Big Pun.

Hmmmm. I think I’ll go ponder this over some pizza.

That’s just something to say to end the post though, I ain’t gonna eat any pizza right now, but I will refill my glass of water, which isn’t nearly as exciting, but you know, keeping properly hydrated is important.

OK ossifer I did my public service announcement for the day now can we lose the ankle monitor and maybe do some fukn shots of beam? Shit man, the desert is dry but my palate needs some quenching.