Posted 1:42 PM by Alfred

I’ve got so much shit to do and the morning’s minutes are rapidly ticking away towards the inevitability in a good way that is lunch time but the inexorable quality of grandma moses’s determination will never stop me from hollering at my shot callers like a true muthafuckin’ OG so here I am.

Wuddup?

Fuk have I mentioned that e-machines corporation can lick my scrotum? Jesus, exchanged the new pennyworth supercomputer last night as it was, like, the sound was fuuuuckkked and ok here I think, brand new box, brand new sound, but no, get it home & hook it up, and same old shit, and I know it ain’t the muthafuckin speakers cuz the sound comes out fucked outta the headphones too, sucka, so don’t even try.

I’m thinking the store must have got a batch with some fucked soundcards. Now I gotta call said store and use my disgruntled customer voice rather than the original still satisfied customer that is having a slight problem that was in use yesterday. Yo bitches your stock is infected, you’s got some fukn mad sound card disease running through the warehouse or some shit.

What the fuck ever.

And don’t even gimme shit about buying an e-machine. Fuk, I ain’t gonna shell out maaadd flow for an intel 4 and I sure as hell ain’t slagging away on a muthafuckn celeron and sony vaio and their fancy ass shit can slurp the Johnson stack.

Ok I’m talking outta my ass and don’t know jack shit about computers.

So how bout those dodgers? Fuk I think they’re sucking. Fuck the giants.

So yeah I just had to answer the phone. Fuk that thing.

So I picked up the ataris album last night. It’s good. And fuck you if you think I’m some commercial little ho for buying some mtv pumped album. Whut the fuk are you listening to? The fukn jethro van mackeltstein 1812 oratory orchestra transcribes werewolf malone’s violin solos? Yeah you’re so fukn underground.

I wasn’t even considering buying the ataris, I was actually leaning toward the intellivisions.

(dead silence)

ok um actually the joke was going to transition into, um, what? Oh yeah, the song that lured me in & initiated said purchase was that cover of boys of summer. Damn that shit is sick, dog. I mean, I’m a sucka for that old Don Henley jam (was that the fucker’s name? – doesn’t sound right) anyway – that deuschbag from the eagles, that like some other band used to rag on him all the time but I can’t remember the exact circumstances. Anyway – loved that old song. And the cover is bad ass. I like cover songs where like the fukn artist like reinterprets it or some shit like that (insert serious musical educated commentary here) and yes, that is why Alaskan sheepdogs are much more furry than the Antarctic versions.

As I stood in tower records, it was either the ataris or 50 cent. Yes I am not uber. Whatever the fuk that means.

Jesus the real kool keith would slap me like a little ho. “50 cent?? Get the fuk outta here you little celery eating bitch.”

And I really wouldn’t be able to argue.

It’s cool though. And speaking of which, in reality, I’m not a big celery fan, I much prefer carrots. Chuuuucchhh. Hey I never promised you a muthafuckin rose garden, contingent, remember that & we’ll be copacetic.

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