Posted 2:48 PM by Alfred

Ah what a beautiful morning, contingent. And why is it so gorgeous & wondrous? Well the answer should be obvious, mein freunds, as in I am not at work, I am at home, typing at you from the new pennyworth computer, and despite the sound problems that we are still having and that likely later today we will be on the 4th edition of said piece of equipment, my spirits cannot be dampened because it is that most glorious of holidays, labor day. What did the labor day leprechaun bring to you this fine morning?

What? Nada? zero? Shit, are you serious? Wait, I see you shaking your head in a fashion that not only indicates a negatory response but also with the additional facial tics and vocal inflections that would represent confusion in that, wait, you have never heard of the labor day leprechaun?

The labor day leprechaun is this little feller that every labor day he brings you presents while at the same time taking something that you haven’t used in a long time and thereby probably won’t notice for days if not years. In this instance for example I received a brand new pair of timberlands, yah the steel toes, custom the Velcro strap on the ankle, Japanese edition, can only get it in the states at one mall in central Kansas city, and that’s out the back dock from this little Portuguese guy named Rodrigo, and don’t tell him I sent you, cuz my shit could get banned up in the hizzle and I ain’t having that.

So on to the point of the reality and somewhat limited, apparently, marketing campaign of the labor day leprechaun. I mean, I can’t believe the ineptitude of the people that this little guy must have representing him. If I was down with the cause, I mean, in an official capacity, I would be combing the streets for recruits to assist in the campaign, I mean, making posters, like jacking radio stations and kidnapping the record executives and making up all kinds of rumors, accurate and misinformed, albeit a young Nigerian nephew from the mean streets of Bedford stuyvesant, coming up on the scene, making all the right connections, yes he would be one of the most perfect additions to my team. I’d get the phattest squad of non-playa-hatas to spread the word about the ultimate jack backer.

So anyway, yeah, the labor day leprechaun hooked me up with some timbos and like, I still ain’t found what he took this time. Last year he gave me some cocoa puffs and lifted my vcr. So maybe that year wasn’t so great. But one time in 10th grade, it was like, totally the opposite time of year, around February, and he snuck in the window while I was coming back from a midnight tinkle, and he was like, yo playboy, I wanna make it up to you for the year down the line where it’s gonna be an electronics/cereal exchange, so here’s a platinum grill. And sure enough, he opened up his hands and there was a full set of chompers which looked about my size, diamond encrusted molars included, and he snapped his fingers, and suddenly my teeth were covered in bling.

So anyway, happy labor day and enjoy the rest of your Monday off and try not to be all cranky come Tuesday cuz you know you gotta take the good with the bad and the meat with the cake. Play on playas.

---