Friday, September 12, 2003

Mrs. P and I were contemplating two very important and relevant celebrities this morning, reminded of them suddenly after watching the television for a little bit as we got ready for work/school.

Yes, they’re probably on your mind as well on this day.

Dan Cortez and Eric Nies.

You know, dan cortez, mr. MTV sports, Mr. Dogshit tv shows, mr. I’m on that show with kirstie alley? Or was it brooke shields? Or both? Arrgghh why are they giving him another half hour of various people’s lives to ruin? The humanity.

So I mentioned something in passing while I saw the ad for his new “comedy” to the effect of “jesus h. Christ when is this guy gonna fade off into oblivion like the rest of the talentless mtv scrub legion of doom…” (actually I think it was less wordy than that).

So mrs. P is like, where was he from? Wasn’t he on real world? And I’m like “no” he was never on real world, and she’s all “yeah, I know he was, on the first one, and he hosted that dance show” and I’m like “nooooooo, that was another guy” and she’s like “I’ll bet you” and I’m like “honey, I KNOW that they’re not the same guy, you’re thinking a different guy, you’re thinking the MTV the Grind guy, mr. I won’t sing during the real world/road rules battle-thon until I call my agent and verify I’ll be getting my royalties for it, this guy’s way more a joker than Dan Cortez, if that’s possible.”

Again what I actually said wasn’t that wordy but that was the basic jist of it. yet she still persisted that the MTV grind guy and dan cortez were one and the same, these two totally disparate paragons of pop culture. Pshaw!

So I had to go on the internet and verify it by finding a picture of an mtv the grind video and unearthing that name I could not remember which was eric nies.

So I won. This time. Cuz my mtv trivia, at least when it comes to real world characters and other peripheral fooligans on that channel, especially if we’re discussing the late 80’s early 90’s time frame, is matched by few, if any. (well I’m sure there are some that could give me quite a challenge and possibly best me but I like to think that they’re few and far between.)

So yeah, so all we watched was MTV, was there any other interesting celebrity news going on today that I might have missed?


Jesus Christ I just remembered that Dan Cortez was on Seinfeld. Remember, he was the cool guy that george wanted to hang out with, so they went mountain climbing or something like that? Dan cortez kept getting seriously hurt, like burned his face at the end?

Well shit, with that information firmly in hand I officially reinstate his ghetto pass. Revokal denied. Peace. I guess now I should tell you his name is actually spelled dan Cortese. Gracias. Harumpph, eric nies, i've met dan cortese (actually i haven't, but i'm making a clever reference to a dan quayle/old guy speech) and let me tell you, you're no dan cortese. and eric, seriously, you DON'T need to call your agent to check if you should sing, it's cool.

Shit, and wasn't Mr. Cortese on celebrity jeopardy too? and with Jason Alexander reprising their classic team up, no less? oh internet, you never let me down with the key info. Now that this knowledge has been dropped on myself, let the dan cortese shrine begin. Hello, ace builders, I’m gonna need 42 2x4’s and like an industrial strength glue gun, plus you got any baby elephant tusks? PETA? Who the fuck are they?

Seriously doe, RIP those two other guys.

Ya know, Eddie and Joe Bob from my cousin’s cleaners. They passed this morning, thankfully oblivious and with minimal pain I hope. They got a bad whiff of some super deadly and more volatile with age roach spray that had been left over from like the carter administration in their boss's van, ya know deep behind the wheel well, I guess they were trying to pry off the casing for the emergency axe that there’s never an emergency for. Hmmm, ironic.