Monday, September 15, 2003

Oh thank my lucky lucky stars that the old fart doesn’t want to talk to me. It seems like he wants to chew almost everybody else’s ear off but I guess my “leave me the fuck alone” vibes have finally started working and we have a civil relationship based on ignoring one another.

One less bitch I gotta worry about.

Fukn BEARS are sucking major asshole sandwiches right now. They lost Thursday nite which is old news but this ain’t cnn and I report the news on MY time. MY news, MY time, MY dogshit acre and you can take your 40 mules and shove em up the Mercado de el jerkero express train to my ass crapsterpiece. (clarification - i'm talking about the CAL bears, mmmkay? chicago can like my toonces car-driving cat's brown-eye - nothing against chi-town but this is a golden bear thang.)

Yeah guy?? Shabba labba yessiree bobskeeee.

So tone-dogger’s in town which is all gee kickin’ it with the pizneeps, but that’s all I’ll say about that, cuz, well, no reason, but I have another VERY important issue I need to discuss with you.

Namely, the raiders. Ok, um, fellas, it’s not looking good. Barely scraping out a lucky win against the bengals?? Puh-leeeeze. That ain’t gonna get it done, especially with the chiefs looking like stomp-a-saurasses and, well, the rest of the division kinda sucks I guess. I mean, the chargers, shit, without Seau their heart's been cut out with a butter knife, and the broncos. Haha, the broncos, ie the shitcos, well, they suck donkey dick. They suck horses cocks and then make sandwiches out of them and ship them all over the world. The barrel man is the personal fluffer to Ron Jeremy. They’re a joke with an over-inflated imaginary record at this precise moment and invesco jokerhouse or whatever the hell they’re calling mile-high-pile estadio this week is soon going to be the property paid in full of the oaktown raiders, bitches.

Now logic may dictate that how can I talk shit about my own raid-ahs that they are sucking alien ant farm shaft yet still have an envisionary prognostication of horsey uniformed destruction? Well cuz we’re talking about the raiders. The silver and black. The ones that enjoy defecating down the throats of all things Denver. So it has been said so it shall be done.

Next Monday. Aloha.

So what else is happening contingent? Jesus think of a new line you bastardo cornholio’d aesop fable reading frikkenfrakker.

Blackened is the end. Yeah guy? Fuk metallica. They just HAD to get the ball rolling on all this bitching about fukn people stealing songs, etcetera. But they do make good muzak despite the fact they do gay-ass medleys of the horse manure of the 25 years of mtv. Holy fuk that was retarded. And to start with lenny kravitz “are you gonna go my way?” whut the FUK? Ok, semi-alright song, granted, but to start off your songs of the millennium compendium? Holy fukn dogfucker association batman. Get a fukn clue already lars. Stop. Ok? And not in the name of love, in the name of relevance.

Blah dee blah dee blah dee blah dee blah.

Why do I write this, and then actually publish it?? I mean shit, I got an image to protect now. I mean, I’m like mr. Big shot now, I mean, holy fukn shiT I got linked by EV ya dig? The inventor of blogger. That means that this shit ain’t a game no more. It’s time to get serious and knuckle down and write like, with metaphors and similes and shit like that.

It’s also time for my pubic hair perm, though, and, you know, priorities. Guess I’ll have to tackle that other shit later. Aloha.