Posted 1:37 PM by Alfred

I ain’t got shit to write about, but hell, that didn’t stop Christopher Columbus, right? And damn, he was like a hero to all those Indians. I mean before him, all they had were buffalo and long grassy plains. Now they’ve got McDonalds and alcoholism. I mean it’s fun to ride on your horse for miles and miles and eat peyote and shit, but hey, you can’t beat cruising the mall and buying Justin Timberlake cd’s, so represent.

Plus you get to be honored on football helmets. Chuuuch.

So it is another day in the muthafuckin KGC. Kaneohe gangsta crips. You know. Don’t even ACK like you don’t.

Fukn jurk storr can kiss my bitch mark ass if they got even one ounce of a prollem with that shizznat. Long beach.

Okey dokey, time to talk on something relevant. Like the raiders. Callahan, please step down and let someone more qualified run this team. Like, um, I don’t know, Triumph the Insult dog? At least he’d have the balls to tell Al Davis he’s an old antiquated fuckball and his ideas and stratagem are for shit. fuck, I’d vote for that dog for president. He was in Hawaii last month to heckle the American idol tryouts, and they even had him come on the weather report, so you know he’s got credentials. I don’t care if his dad was a canine enforcer for the SS, homey didn’t have shit to do with that, and yeah, there was some inappropriate fondling of some bitches back in the 70’s, but hell, a dog’s a dog, dog.

I got nuthin today folks, ferreal. I don’t wanna resort to my bag of tricks, but shit, drastic times slash measures and that etcetera type shit, so here goes.

Let me reach in that mofo and pull a topic out. Gotta pick the right one, deep in the sack, but not too deep, ya know.

Ok here it is. Spam on rye.

I ain’t never had no spam on rye, but I’ll tell you, not that I’m allowed to talk about Hawaii, cuz some stupid random BITCH thought she could regulate on this shit, but ferreal, this state is like #1 per capita in the nation for spam consumption. The locals love that shit, long beach. I mean, we got spam musubi, fukn spam and eggs, fukn spam floating around in your noodles, fukn whole nine yards, na mean?

As far as rye bread, hey I’m down with it. throw some corn beef, pastrami, and cow tongue on there and I’m on it like boobonic. Gimme a side of horse radish and I might just hook you up with some old school rhymes.

This one’s free, after that it’s platinum, hoes, velvet rope style.

Spam on rye is for the playaz club
If you wanna step to me better bring some grub
When I get dirty I gangsta in the tub
And my counselor’s name is Ernest P. Frub

shit, I'm like if sylvia plath busted a gene splice with sir mix-a-lot up in this bitch.

---