Posted 4:25 PM by Alfred

Read this.

Discuss. Now tell me, is the church lady, i mean, ya know, dana carvey's old character, was that the last role that he was actually funny in? can i get an amen? there in the left aisle, hmmmm? yeah. um, so his latest like chip commercial or whatever it is at least ranks in the top 18 worst ads of all time. hi i'm a guy shuffling cards and then this funny manly looking woman that looks strangely the same as me starts shuffling potato chips, ya know, showing that their stackable, to compete against pringles, (for which i am as famous as the backup dancer, ya know, the dark haired feller doing the running man in the back, while mr. pringle or whatever his name is is like, rapping or something? yah i'm as famous as that guy. and i think he's like a newspaper delivery warehouse sales clerk in de moines iowa at this time) yeah they're like lays or some whatevers new potato chip.

ok granted he was pretty dizarn funny in wayne's world and a lot of other snl stuff, but i mean since then, whut? whut have you done for us dana carvey? i mean, i know he had cancer or something, and i understand that totally is rough, but that should not change the simple fact that he is not funny. i'm glad you beat cancer, dana carvey, i really am, even though you do infest crappy commercials and lately movies and you're just in general not good. damn i'm being a little hard on dana carvey today. well ok then.

i'm pretty sure the ball just hit the ceiling at like 3 million miles an hour.

oh yeah, my question was, before i got sidetracked just the tiniest bit, was that you know that character the church lady was she like totally on batu or something? or the crizack.

Aye aye cap’n.

Whut if your last name was stubing and you suddenly through no direct interaction of your own found yourself to be some kind of captain. Of anything. Even if it was just the captain of your junior high’s intramural ping pong team (oh sorry, table tennis, shizzle!) even for just two minutes. At that moment your name would be captain stubbing. No you darn feller bill gates, I did mean stubing. I’m not stubbing your damn toe. And don’t forget to say the “n” sound at the end of damn, you know it’s just like the word damnation except you don’t see people saying “dammation” do you? c’mon bro, get with tha pg. That’s pee gee for you in the back. Not to get all Kelsey grammer on you.

Ok I’m copywriting that. you know this. Not to get all Kelsey grammer on you is the winner and new champion, of, um, my files. Replacing the jurk storr.

Ok, no, I take that back, nothing will ever EVER replace the jurk storr. Cuz it called, and they were all out of spinach salad. And I was sooooo stoked out of my gourd.

See, my gourd is super stoked right now at this time cuz I KNOW that the jurk storr called and that means I’m somebody, I’m somebody darn it all, and just like plastic man can put himself into the shape of like a chair or a speedboat or some stuff like that doesn’t mean that I can’t be a quarter of the man I’ll be in 2005. quarter plus. Or weight. Quarter pounder with cheese?

Was that nothing. Well it least it didn’t have vulgarity. I could never sanction that, yet I do. So anyway, I don’t know, so far the jurk storr is coming in loud and clear on this channel, and whatever you may think about static or cling or tide with bleach is all your own ballgame, especially once it gets into extra innings, I can’t sanction that inasmuch I would ever think to play table tennis on an unsanctioned table-tennis playing table. Seriously. It would have to be sanctioned by at least three authorities and then resanctioned by a indeterminant executive sanctioning body.

Thank you.

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