Posted 2:03 AM by Alfred

I stole this picture from the non stinking shit girl, hope she doesn’t mind. But then again, she stole it from somebody else in the first place, ie the sitcoms online association or whatever the fuck they call themselves, so I’m not gonna lose any sleep over it. At least in theory.

Janet was like the unsung hero on 3’s company, I mean, nobody really gives her jack shit for props what with jack being the comic showcase etcetera and chrissy being the dumb blonde whateveryacallit and the ropers and larry and don’t forget don knotts, who I’m almost positive is still alive, but mixed in there quite nicely, in the fashion of being the champ due to in fact the corollary of that the idea that she is to a certain degree unnoticed may have been her greatest feat and accomplishment even though those are synonyms and I’m a lazy pile, um, her good job as an actress.

Refill time. Please hold. Your musical selection for this commercial break shall be def leppard “comin to america” off their classic first album On Through the Night. If that song is unsatisfactory to you then I must invite you to be sworn in as an official best seller of the jurk storr, at which point the shrimp will announce that your ass has been turned into a public urinal.

Ok my drink is refreshed. Maker’s mark and coke. Ok I am a filthy liar. Sorry Ryan, I bought Jim Beam instead. And it’s actually diet vanilla pepsi, which is actually quite palatable as I may have mentioned in previous correspondence with the ocean. Jim Beam, for me, besides being 10 dollars cheaper than maker’s mark, has an emotional connotation in that it was my grandfather’s drink, so be that as it may, it is doing the trick, and a shot of baileys on the side never hurt matters, at least that’s what mr. Toad mentioned to me in the middle of a wild ride we were having, and it’s not what you’re thinking, well, it is if you were thinking about Disneyland.

It’s been a long ass time since I’ve been to the magic kingdom now that you mention it. What was that, you didn’t mention it, I did, oh well now you’d like to quibble hmmm? Well get on your horse and ride out of town and please you as it may to never be seen by this that or them there okey fenokes if you catch my drift.

Bing seems to be kicking her mood into some form of updrive ie she is on the mend what with her um apparent bumming ness which brings to me a great degree of happiness in that people should be in a good mood even and especially if prescription drugs are involved. Not that they are in this case. And not that I’m like Rush Limbaugh’s evil, well actually, moderate, twin. Bing knows what I mean, she’s down with the jurk storr. I just mean that she deserves to be down with the happy fun time crew and it needs to be legit and it needs to be hammertime and it needs to be funky headhunter style if you catch my drift. Which you probably don’t.

Jim Beam gets me all beaminated. You may wonder what the fuck I’m doing up at what appears to be like 3 AM, but actually here in Hawaii it’s not even midnite yet so cut me some goddamm flakk jack. Me and Mrs. P didn’t go out or really do anything of import tonite except chill like villains. Well I went to the gym and flexed kind of hard, I mean, I knocked out this guy walking by with my bicep at this precise moment when I was doing like this judo move, but it was totally unintentional. There was this one guy at the gym that was like really grunting just a little too hard and like practically screaming out the numbers of the reps he was doing, and I wanted to say like “umm, cool down, too hot,” but I’m way too low profile for anything affiliated with something like that so I let it go.

Let it go is another def leppard song. So is mirror mirror. Not that that’s related. But then again it might be. Find a meaning and let me know about it. Here’s an example. “mirror mirror is so related to let it go in that if you look deep inside yourself, ie inside a really avant garde mirror, you’ll find your inner schwann, at which point you will have let go of any preconceived notions about your own inner self and your supposedly concrete ideals regarding morality, mortality, and responsibility, whereby you will discover that only you can prevent forest fires.”

And holy shit, that’s related to pyromania! This is some deep shit I’ve stumbled upon. I better watch sports center and finish my drink. I don’t wanna bust open Pandora’s box and find that the bacon has burnt the griddle, I don’t think I could handle that kind of pressure. One final note though, folks, be smurfy to each other, ye heard me? Gracias.

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