Posted 6:27 PM by Alfred

ok now’s as good a time as any to write some horrible crap and hit publish. There’s a lot of shit going down in the blogosphere on this fine afternoon and I’m gonna speak on none of it, I am however gonna speak on some shit, but that shit is hidden from my medulla oblongata at this juncture, but I can guarantee you this, you won’t give half a rat’s asshole about it, that’s right folks, for the low low price of $49.99 minus a $50 rebate, you can read all this crap all the time and the only thing you will get out of it is one red cent, which I will deposit on your front door with a little bow wrapped around it and a thank you goodbye and a kick to your dog’s gullet if you have a dog, if you don’t a cat will suffice or even a hamster.

Next paragraph. More crap. No comments. People will run, people will hide, people will barf, they’ll cringe they’ll fukn seek out the hills like yuban seeks out tasters choice. SHIT have you ever seen that old SNL skit with Chris Farley where they do the take on the folgers crystals commercial where they secretly replace the fancy restaurant’s normal coffee and fukn the OG fat guy in a little shirt just goes richter I mean he goes nuts I mean he gets loose I mean he just tears the place up and just about takes a bath in goats blood in an arcane rage not seen since the bronze era.

Fukn what the fuck was coke thinking when they came out with new coke in the 80’s? I was watching that shit on vh1 crazy 80’s or whatever the shit that show is called, and you know, it’s scary how well I remember it, I mean, that was a scandal that was a controversy that was just people going OFF that corporate America in their ignorance and greed had taken away one of the symbolisms of pop culture slavery by shoving this piece of shit down our throat at breakneck speed like that. and have you noticed the lasting effects? Hmm, have you? for those youngens in the crowd you might not remember the days when your can of coke didn’t necessarily say coca-cola “classic” on it, but that’s only been there since this new coke shit went down in 86, ferreal. Before that it was just coke, but I mean, people went apeshit, so they had coke “classic” as well and whoop bam before you know it, oh shit, where’s new coke? Gone the way of the tyrannosaurus rex, and good riddance if you ask me, but WHY of fucking WHY do they still have to call it Coca-Cola Classic? This bothers me.

Almost like when Doritos came out with a cheesier version of their nacho cheese flavor, called “nacho cheesier.” It was just supposed to be for those that wanted EXTRA cheese flavor on their Doritos, you know, and they had both versions for a little while, but you can’t find nacho cheese Doritos anymore can you? no, it’s just nacho cheesier? And “cooler” ranch. Those fuckers. I wonder if after that, since that time, they’ve been slowly but surely decreasing the amount of cheese and ranch flavor on those fuckers to get it back down to pre “cheesier” and “cooler” parameters, and then they’ll probably come out with like nacho “cheesiest” just to fuck with us, and we’ll think “oh, great, this is fukn GREAT”, but it’ll just be a big fukn conspiracy, and you know whut, I bet we won’t even care even if we find out, cuz we’re a bunch of fukn sheep that’s why.

The moral of this story is fuck Doritos & coke. And continue to buy their products, thus perpetuating the spirit of America. God bless it & you. aloha.

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