Posted 12:32 PM by Alfred

Well holy shit the raiders actually won a game. I guess it’s cool for you to slap me around & call me shirly now. Saw mystic river, finally, this weekend, as I’d been wanting to catch it for a while, and, frankly, I was disappointed. Moved slow, there were a few lines in their that just didn’t ring true, you could see the end coming at least 74 feet away, and, um, I don’t know, shit, take that for what it’s worth, which prolly ain’t much.

Stephen King’s new Dark Tower book is off the goddamm chain. First hardcover fresh off the presses book I’ve picked up in like, um, ever? Well, maybe not ever, but it’s been a long time. Robert Jordan, Eddie Burroughs, and Bukowski are all unceremoniously shelved for the moment while I devour this monstrosity. As they say in Iowa, it’s time to reap the sower, or is it sow the reaper? Prolly not either of those, and I ain’t ever even been there so I’m obviously just talkin’ smack as usual. Ah, the things you can count on in life, aren’t they grand? Just nod your head and slowly exit stage left, nothing will be explained but at least you won’t have to look me in the eye like a caged prozac smoking wildebeest anymore, na mean? No yes yes no the answer my friend is blowing through my noggin.

Arrgghh. This one fuckn broad (yes, I said broad, call the equal rights association or whatever the fuck) that I’m working with on this jurk storr shit on the mainland, is such a BITCH, that I just decided in my head, yes, a hypothesis, that if Ice Cube were to go down on bended knee and serenade her with his classic song “A Bitch is a Bitch” that it would probably be a compliment and I imagine she’d well up with tears and be really heartfeltly heartfelt in that someone actually called her a bitch instead of a ridiculous king kamehameha beyotch. Hobag.

Hmm, I feel better, although I may have offended certain segments of the contingent. Ah well, I ain’t never ate an omelette that didn’t have broken eggs in it, and sheet, even little swags of shell can be good for pickin the looseleaf lettuce out of your teeth, be it Tuesday or Thursday.

I’m hoo-banging some chronic trance music. It’s making me, wait, spock, what is this emotion, it’s like, this weird, um, happiness or something like that, holy shit, I better take a valium or a zanex, this can’t be right, I need, um, I need to get on some jinx bathroom shit, quick, think of what I’m gonna say and then say it, yah at the same time as me, cuz like, this is raw dog, shizzle and the fizzle.

You know what would be really nice right now? A foo foo drink with like a little umbrella in it. on a cruise ship, while watching a bunch of old farts play shuffle board. And then a dolphin jumps out of the water and does a backflip and then a perfect nose dive and winks at you while at its apex. Then you’d know the feeling of being down with it. all that you’d have left to do would be finish your drink, finish the last few words of the latest section of whatever master thesis you were engrossed in at the moment, and hit the sack with the content feeling of total consciousness having been ingrained in your mind, body, and soul.

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