Posted 2:40 PM by Alfred

I got nothing for ya today. Zero my hero. But the example or, um, precedent, I’d like to set, is that despite what prominent mathematicians will tell you, lack of anything can come to equal a whole bunch of something. The one thing, shit, I always say that, and fuck, how many times have I used a “thing” word in this paragraph. Jesus Christ I suck.

Ok under normal circumstances I would totally erase the above paragraph, but, well, actually under varying instances, but seeing as there’s a certain mister carlton patrolling the premises today like a cat in a rocking chair factory, there’s nothing I can do but impart it to you anyway.

Ok from now on I promise I’m only gonna write about the most vital shit. like laundry list central coinciding with keystone cops is not gonna work in this new world order that carlton, aforementioned, has determined that only and if only when the jurk storr calls will be the true time to take action.

Oh by the way you have gotta read the thought sink. Like right now. Like not yeterday or in 3 days, but at this moment in the, hmmm, I’m not describing it right. I’m doing homey a misservice by even tryin to represent as some kind of faux promotions department when in all ways shape form levels whut i'm insinuating jokerville with a capital “j.” fuck I hate quotation marks. Fuck, oh yeah, well yeah, check it out. It’s like the most interesting first installment of a life story that ever lived. Blah dee blah, look at that guy by the miniature statue of liberty. Um, ok, that was weird. Where are we now? Sorry.

Anyway, please don’t hate me for like perpetrating wherewithalls without at least attempting to register myself with the ways and means committee. I promise that at least on Tuesdays I’ll try to remember to drink my ovaltine and hopefully offer quality products at great discount prices. And make my customers feel happy yet not like weirded out and they don’t wanna come back and try our pastries. Cuz that would be fucked up.

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