Friday, August 13, 2004
I was sitting in my den, reading "Guns and Ammo", enjoying my
semi-retirement, when I got the fateful call. I'd been enjoying my
vacation from the blogosphere, thinking back to all the days when my
villainy had been thwarted by the forces Ultrablognetic and Kool
Keith. While I often desired vengeance, retribution, I had given up at
this point. It was time to turn over a new leaf. I wanted to start a
family. I wanted to help the homeless.
I answered the call; the voice I heard chilled my blood.
"Mister 8?", said the thick and gravelly voice on the other end of
"Uh, nobody by that name lives here..." I stuttered. Damned past
catching up with me.
"Mister 8, do you know who this is?" The mystery caller asked.
What should I do? What if it was the FBI or the CIA, or worse, my
boss? I thought I had done a good enough job killing off my old
identity. Someone had found me. Panic started to overwhelm me. I was
"No... Who is this? How'd you get this number?"
"Mister 8, this is Wilson Fisk. I have a proposition for you."
His voice was thick and dark. I could hear him smoking, chewing hard
on an expensive cigar. What did he want from me, after so long?
"Sir, Mr. Fisk, I've retired. I'm not involved in blogosphere
villainy anymore. Besides, I'm wanted in three states..."
He drew deep from his cigar and exhaled before addressing me.
"Mister 8, what if I was to offer you the chance of a lifetime? What
if I could give you the one thing you could never attain?"
He'd lured me in. I was curious what he had to offer.
"Mr. Fisk, I've told you already, I am retired. Although, I will
humor you and hear what you have to say."
"No, Mister 8, you do not humor me. I have a
serious offer for you, and you would do best to take it seriously. I
grow tired of this nonsense, so I will get to the point. I am
offering you a chance to settle an old score, Mister 8. What if I said
I would give you the chance to topple... Ultrablognetic?"
And so it started.
And here I am.
I have left the retirement village for this ultimate and most
dastardly plan, even though I don't know what the plan actually is.
In all seriousness, I think I'm a patsy, but I can live with that for now.
I have plans of my own.
So I have taken over the airwaves, pirated in, scrambled all
channels... I am in complete control. Take that, Jurk storr. I've
begun my slime campaign against Mr. Pennyworth and his associates. His
unsavory practices, real or otherwise, will be his undoing.
Also, I am saturating the system with counterfeit astromedallions,
dropping their universal net worth to ZERO!!! Muahahahahahaha!!!
And they said I was a lonely and confused child.
Mr. Keith, Mr. Pennyworth, welcome to your collective demise!