Posted 7:54 PM by Alfred

Hypothetical political lyrical Miracle whip.

But this ain't Humpty. I'm the one that said "Just grab them in the biscuits". I'm all for sexual harassment. Chris Rock was right. The only difference between sexual harassment and flirting is how attractive the man is. If Clarence Thomas looked like Denzel Washington, none of that shit would have even happened.

And that's real. I'm not easy on the eyes. I know it. Humpty knows it. Hell, even my mama would say I'm ugly. And I've felt the affects of being aesthetically unattractive. Strippers dont' come up to me right away. Pimple-faced 15 year olds don't smile back at me from behind the counter at McDonald's. Juries convict me of crimes I didn't do. You know, the usual.

But I still get by. I'm not mad at the world. I'm not mad at the hand I've been dealt. I've spent a goodtime bluffing my way through life. Kind of like Humpty, ya know? His nose is big. Uhuh, he's not ashamed. Big like a pickle, he's still getting paid. He's parlayed his super nose into getting busy in a Burger King bathroom. He's crazy. And he's amazed me. He's a freak of the industry.

But I digress. I'm still getting in the girls' pants and I even have my own dance.

editorial staff note: this has been a guest post by bastitch, and he does have his own dance. we've seen it. it's dope. we'd do it. if we could. but we can't. fuck.

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