Posted 2:25 PM by Alfred

May I now welcome you to the humble environs. Of whut? You might ask. Well I don’t necessarily have an answer for that. At least not one that will make any sense to you. Becuz, you see, the ish at hand is that I want to provide info without supplying any pertinence. Not to be petulant. Nunca. I don’t want to make things dificil, it’s all about easy cheesy bo beezy, but serially, if you gonna hang, you gots to get with the PG, that’s program, and comprende, that this is what you make it. Nothing more, and prolly vastly less, depending on your perspective. It ain’t everyone’s cup o’ tea, shit, ain’t prolly anyone’s cappuccino, but it’s what it is, which is the jurk storr official news magazine, presenting zero news and massive amounts of indescribable non propagandized dogma.

End of an era in oaktown. Tim brown heading off for greener, nay, less crowded, pastures. Gotta respect the man. Shit, I wouldn’t want to cap off my career “waving a towel” either. Sad to see you go, but good luck, mayne. Yah, like you’re reading this. Does it matter? Nein. Is it possible? Aye. Am I a pirate? Maybe in another life, but if I am, I hope at least I have a green parrot with a red scarf. Serially.

Dear editing staff: this is Mr. Fisk. It has come to my attention that the butler has, in fact, done it. By having done “it” I mean sucking up the premises with overbelated talk of birds with clothing, of which my ex-wife Vanessa informed me that I am no longer allowed to ever view in any way shape or form. If and when such an action is undertaken, I have to immediately unestablish myself from any associations involved, and, frankly, at this time I am not ready to relinquish my control of this endeavor. I have also grown extremely tired of the confusion over my first name with that of a baseball player, although I have let it go up to now for the sake of the inherent quality of confusion and my desire to be known yet unknown.

Because of this debacle I currently find myself in, despite the fact that I find much of his work quite stimulating, I must request that mr. Pennyworth immediately be removed from the premises and given a gold watch with the emblem “jurk storr enterprises. Mucho mahalo for many years of quality service.” Then he should be unceremoniously shoved out the door, preferably into a snow drift, and I know we don’t have snow here in Hawaii, but please see what you can do. I understand that this is the first time I have ever called for your services, as you know, normally I am loathe to involve the editing process in this operation in any capacity, but the terms and conditions of my current legal team have informed me that due to impending massive lawsuits designed to cripple my organization, I have no other choice. If you enjoy the continued receipt of your paycheck, I’m sure these actions will be undertaken swiftly and ruthlessly.

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