Thursday, September 23, 2004
I steal glances at you every now and then and I notice it. You're there, but you're not there. And it bothers me. It's not that I want your full and undivided attention, although I will admit that it would be relaxing and reassuring. But I can remember back when I could look into your eyes and know exactly what was on your mind. Now, we're living amongst a cloud of total uncertainty.
Every little thing you say to me I now analyze and reanalyze to figure out what you're really trying to say. I monitor your actions, your reactions, and everything you do and say. You've spent the last week listening to me tell you exactly what's in my heart, followed by crying, followed by more of what I've been thinking and feeling, followed by even more crying. You know exactly what I've been thinking about. What I think about you. What I think about us. I'm trying to look into the future, because all of this happened, that's what I thought about when I thought about us. Now I know that we both can't see ourselves together in the future because the whole idea of "us" has been shattered.
I guess all I can do is sit back and wait for "us".
"... On just such a day you let me go
and as the raindrops began to flow
I go walking in the rain
Hiding my tears in the rain...."