Monday, March 07, 2005

“ok there’s like the slightest lull in the day except there isn’t. there were many yet none. Lulls. You know whut I’m talking about. How do I know this? Just trust me I know it. Get in the goddamm car. What? Shit. Get out of the muthafuckin car. Who the fuck you think you are, comin in my car uninvited & shit. Whut? I invited you? Well fuck you motherfucker. I’ll kick your ass all the way over the grapevine.”

Theodore wallingsworth, in a speech he made while acting as a mediator in the case of ahab vs. queekweg, on the rights of a 1st mate to mutiny when certain levels of various scanned data have reached certain, um, levels.

It was in a twilight zone episode, but never aired. Lost in the files. Do you want a confession? It wasn’t really Theodore. It was ahab. But only when he realized the white whale was himself. To this day I can still see him stabbing his own ass with that harpoon. Wandering around the kitchen, sweating.