Posted 1:20 PM by Alfred

My boss just won 50 buffallo wings at hooters from kpoi for knowing that dick delicious & the testicles is a real band. And for knowing they’re from Atlanta. He got this information from consumption junction which has a lot of funny shit on it but is not meant for children so I won’t link it, cuz lots of kids read this fukn shit and I wouldn’t want to, um, corrupt them. Plus any web site that both a caller and a dj at a radio station have both heard of & can relate to out of nowhere like that doesn’t need any publicity from the likes of me.

Shit I ain’t even the original Alfred pennyworth. Shit did you know that Alfred wasn’t even the OG pennyworth? His dad Jarvis was THE original batman butler, well not the batman butler, but the wayne family butler when bruce’s folks got gatted down by Joe Chill. Harsh, man, harsh. Pearls flying, Doctor Thomas Wayne tryin to defend his fam, gunned down in the street it’s a goddam shame, and fukn Chill just yelling at that young kid kneeling down in the pool of his parents’ blood, all “stop staring at me like that kid, stop staring at me, dammitt!!” it’s a wonder he didn’t gat the kid for good measure, but shit then there never would have been a batman I guess, and I wouldn’t be telling you this story seeing as how I would have never became his butler.

Shit it’s been a while since I heard from Bats. Almost a year now, huh? I wonder if he went and got himself some help. I transcribed our conversation for posterity, plus that time that Robin called too. Robin was pretty concerned, as Bruce was oh so definitely um losing it without my trusty butlering skills in effect at the bat mansion. Batgirl called me up around that time too, but she sounded all iced out so really, I wouldn’t recommend reading that, not nearly as entertaining as the first two seasons, I mean conversations. but if you must read it and fill out the trifecta, click here, and don't get pissed at me if it's not up to par with the first two. it's in keeping you see with the original batman series, the first two seasons were gold, and then the third season they threw out the twice a week format, brought in batgirl, and basically killed it, so i can always use the excuse that i was trying to be historically accurate.

Hey kids, you still in here? get the hell out, go tell mom that the internet sensor thingie ain’t working cuz you just accidentally saw the eff word. Run and tell. Duck & cover. Sit & spin. Act & react. Flatulate & copulate. And not in that order you damn little sheisters, this ain’t the fukn Olympics ferchrissake, you’ll tweak your collarbone, you’ll shoot your eye out. Fukn little youngsters looking for Alfred pennyworth & batman on the internet and finding this den of iniquity. It’s just not right. Next thing you know they’ll be getting pictures of boobies in their e-mail, and then john ashcroft will have to step in and pull a warren G, aka regulate on that bitch.

I’m listening to 50 cent, 50 cent is the future, it’s like an underground mixtape that I got off of some vinyl selling website cuz my homey wanted me to order the new barman record for him, and see, you pay the same freight if you buy one double album or if you buy one double album & a CD, and the 50 cent cd was only like 7 bucks, so I said, fuk it, maybe 50 cent IS the future. But I don’t think so. I think he’s the present, and he’s got less talent than MTV thinks but more talent than the backpackers think. Which is cool, I don’t think he’s complaining, shit, he’s counting a lot of paper. He did a show out here a couple weeks ago and people were complaining cuz 1) he only played for like 45 minutes and 2) he didn’t bring his like 2 year old son out with his little baby bullet proof vest on, which I guess he does for the mainland shows. Maybe lil 50 was hot & sweating, I mean, it is summertime, and the block is hot, whoaday.

Guess that’s it for now.

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