Posted 11:52 AM by Alfred

My favorite cat of all time except for oliver whom I still feel guilty for kicking on the way out the door the last time I saw him has got to be toonces the cat that could drive a car.

Once again I sit here staring at the screen, deep thoughts hidden in the recesses of my mind, pondering the ponderations I pondered last nite this morning while I slept and now that it’s time to spill them on the screen all I can come up with is a feline barreling vehicles off of cliffsides.

You must be terribly disappointed in me.

Since it’s January it means it’s time for my annual calendar recommendation. Famed for like, 50 years, people come to me from far & wide for sincere advice on which calendar they should grace their wall with. I take this shit very very seriously folks. So for now, just for one minute, I must ask that all levity be set aside to deal with this quite pertinent & vital issue.

Drumroll please.

My calendar recommendation for the year 2004 is…

(and please remember that this is the wall calendar category. My desk calendar recommendations had to be discontinued in 1996 due to the Goldberg affair.)

the official HR Giger calendar.

Hope the buildup wasn’t a letdown, or, rather, hope the result wasn’t a letdown from the buildup.

The reason that HR Giger’s art is perfect for the calendar medium is as follows. If you’re gonna look at the same picture for a month, it’s gotta be something that offers you something new every day. it’s gotta be something by which you notice a little different feature that you didn’t notice during the first 29 days of the month. And Giger is perfectamundo for that. trust me. Disregard the fact that I’m failing miserably trying to sound like some kind of crusty sophisticated art critic. I know, well, some shit, and, but, when it comes to calendars, I’m like MC hammer, and not in that I like taco bell, which I actually do, but in that you can’t touch this. This being my skills at discerning quality timekeeping literature.

For those not in the know. HR Giger is the world renowned artist that created the alien monster in the famous movie called alien. Was that an echo? Anyway, the detail in his shit is like out of this world, and add to that the factor that his official museum is in Gruyeres, Switzerland inside a little village surrounding a castle and that there are really really good authentic restaurants serving incredibly delicious fondue there, well, you really can’t go wrong.

The only issue that I have with this calendar is it’s black color. This may cause problems with writing in pertinent appointments like “dentist at 4 PM” or “manicure at 2” or “sadomasochistic torture techniques club meeting at 8:30, in Joe’s garage,” you get the idea.

But that will probably be easily solved with the purchase of a white pen, or some other bright color which can offset the black background.

And if you don’t care about calendars, well, fuck you then, cuz you don’t care about order, and then you don’t care about days and weeks and months and years, and if you think about it, without this structure in our lives, we’d be, well, we’d be lost, we’d be without knowing what time to pick up our laundry, we’d be in the void, we’d be, jeez, I shudder to think about it.

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